As Good As It Gets

I guess I should have seen it coming; we couldn't have done this forever. However, I can't believe it, either. How happy I am. What have I done to deserve this incredible man? Who loves me so unconditionally? Who puts my needs before his own? In retrospect, I really don't know how I've managed to push him away so many times. It still hurts me to know I've caused him so much pain, so many sleepless nights. But then again, I am the Captain; I've felt I can't get involved with one of my crew, especially my first officer. Despite that fact, he made me see I'm only human, that I need somebody to hold me at night. Somebody to make me feel protected. Somebody to make me feel loved. These are things I've known all along, but I've kept them deep inside me, afraid they might make me see the truth. Well, the truth is, I love him as much as he loves me. What made me realize this? One kiss. As simple as it sounds it was one, little, gentle kiss . . .

It was, how should it have been otherwise, another eventful day as captain of Voyager in the delta quadrant. But it had been a good one. We were negotiating with the Hallari for supplies, and were granted shore leave. For the first time in month everything was proceeding as it should be; smoothly. Chakotay and I were in my ready room discussing shore leave rotation, when the question came, I've waited the entire day for.

"When will you take your shore leave?"

I smiled, knowing exactly we'd have another argument coming, but this time I would surprise him.

"Not this time, Chakotay," and when I saw him open his mouth to say something, I continued, "Look, I've been on that planet for the last three days. I've been showed all the interesting places Hallari Prime has to offer. All I want is a nice, quiet day aboard Voyager."

"You mean, with lots of reports to look through," he replied, challenging me to make this conversation last. His face grew serious, and he searched for any clues to my thoughts.

"Not a single one."

That caught him off guard. The look on his face was priceless, almost causing me to laugh out loud.

"Surprised you, eh?" I said with a smile, knowing very well I did, "I've planned an relaxing evening together with a paint brush. Recently I've been too busy for painting."

I saw him going through all possibilities to make me take my shore leave, but I also knew he would come to the conclusion that it was useless. Normally he would have talked me into taking it, even would have used his dimpled smile, but this time I've hold his trump against him.

"Well Captain, since there seems to be no other argument for me, I have to accept your decision," and smiling from ear to ear he asked, "Have dinner with me tonight?"

"Sure. How about 20.00 hrs my quarters?"

"Sounds good to me."

You know what? I've been so busy painting I lost track of time, so my door chimed at exact 20.00 hrs and I've just finished my last picture.

"Come," I called, while retreating to my bathroom to wash my hands and change into something more suitable. I've just imagined how Chakotay would have reacted if he had found me in my old, gray, and faded pullover with lots of paint on it.

"Kathryn?" I heard him call.

"I'm sorry Chakotay. I've lost track of time. Make yourself comfortable, I'll be here in a minute," I informed him, almost finished with changing clothes.

"Busy painting?" he asked.

"You could say that."

When I emerged from the bathroom, Chakotay looked up from where he sat on the sofa . . . and burst into laughter. I was completely shocked to say the least, standing only a few feet away from him. Every time he calmed down a bit, he just had to look at me, and it started all over again. He turned all shades of red, because of lack of oxygen. I thought he'd get a grip, when he began choking, but I soon realized that wasn't going to happen. I started to get annoyed. Laughing at your commanding officer is something not everyone survived.

"We're having fun Commander?"

By way of response, he fell from the couch onto the floor and laughed even more. His hands were tightly clasped around his belly, and I could imagine how his stomach muscles must have hurt, though at this particular moment I didn't care. No, I even enjoyed it, he didn't deserve better.

"Take . . . Take . . . ," he gasped for air, "Take . . . a look . . . in the . . . mirror," he finally managed, before laughter overtook him once again.

Totally confused, I took a look at myself, and began shaking with giggles as well. Above my eyebrows I've managed to leave two blue lines. That probably happened when I was scrutinizing my last picture. Something just didn't look right then, and I have the habit to sketch my forehead with my paintbrush, while trying to figure out, what it actually was I did wrong. Though that time it seemed I've used the other end of the brush to do that. Now I was looking, like a four-year old, who has played with her mother's make-up, but has not quite succeeded her mission. That certainly was a good reason for his behavior, and I found my annoyance disappearing.

After I've removed those lines, I turned to Chakotay, who had quieted a bit, but was still shaken by giggles, though he had managed a sitting position by the time I walked towards the couch to sat beside him. The next thing I remember I was tickled all over. We rolled over the carpet, each one of us trying to gain the upper hand. You know, I've never really learnt to loose, so I desperately tried to win this battle. But eventually we ended with Chakotay lying on top of me, my hands pinned in one of his large ones above my head, his other hand tickling me restlessly. I was totally short of breath by this time, and begged him to stop. Well, I muttered something, but he obeyed. Fortunately for him, then again maybe for me, I wasn't prepared for his next move.

He was kissing me! Well, our lips barely touched, before he realized what he was doing. But it as enough to make me forget who I was, where I was, and that it actually went against everything I've ever learned. It was overwhelming! I thought I was flying, I couldn't feel the floor beneath me. All I was aware of was Chakotay, looking somewhat terrified of his actions. Still he didn't move, he just lay there, baring his soul to me, waiting for me to make the next move, hope but also fear shining in his eyes. He was as tense as usually the Captain was (I had to know, because I'm a friend of her).

I guess that was the second time that day I've surprised him. Because, as he finally was about to stand up, I put my now free hands around his neck to hold him where he was. My decision had been made; I wasn't about to push him away again, too much energy had been already wasted for that. Slowly I pulled him towards me. His initial shock at my actions quickly transformed into pure delight, as he realized my intentions, what in return filled me with joy. And as our lips touched the second time, longer and certainly more passionate than before, I felt like I was in heaven . . .

So here I am, Captain of the star ship Voyager, lying in the arms of my sleeping lover, content and happy. I've never been this happy before. I think it is, as if I've found my second half, and that's probably the case. I begin to smile, grinning like an idiot is actually more accurate, when I feel a hand stroke along my back.

"What are you thinking about?" he wants to know.

By way of response, I tenderly brush my fingertips along the lines of his tattoo, take his face between my hands, and show him exactly what my thoughts are . . .

THE END

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