An Old Flame

The U.S.S. Explorer was almost ready for her first mission. Only a few more checks, and another crewmember, and everything would be fine for departure. The mission had been carefully planned by Starfleet's finest because approximately seven months ago they had discovered a quite unusual planet. Its surface was covered with ice, thus the planet was uninhabitable, as it was too cold. But the oceans - and yes, the planet had many - were more like hot springs - completely warm. Still, there was no evidence for an unnatural heat source - reason enough for Starfleet to investigate.

Two of the three crewmembers of the Explorer were already onboard, checking and rechecking her systems one last time and waiting for the last of the crew.

"Hey, Chakotay. We're ready. Where's that crewmember?" Lieutenant Andrews was a science officer through and through, tending to get impatient when his curiosity got the better of him. His mind was never far from that paradoxical planet so he hated to wait longer than necessary.

"I have no clue."

"Ah . . . Do you at least have a clue who it's going to be?"

"No, not really. It's another captain who is knowledgeable about science. Everything else is beyond me. Why do you ask?"

Andrews stopped checking the board systems and settled into the seat next to Chakotay. "Another captain, huh? Seems as if you're going to argue over command then."

"Ha ha. That captain has a scientific background so he's accompanying us. Command, however, is mine . . . and mine alone. Still you haven't answered me."

"Oh, there was a question?"

"Yes, there was. My, sometimes I wonder why Starfleet let you graduate . . . I want to know why you're interested in that captain."

"Oh . . . that question. I'm not. I'm merely killing time with idle conversation till his arrival."

"Maybe you should finish checking all board systems."

"Maybe . . ."

"Andrews, consider that an order."

Andrews saluted in mock seriousness. "Sir, yes, sir!" Then he walked back to his tasks, laughing.

Chakotay lightly shook his head, smiling at their informal banter. While watching Andrews, it occurred to him that he had missed such a friendship. After some difficulties at first - Andrews had refused to call him Chakotay instead of captain - they had become great friends, inseparable almost.

"Chakotay, perhaps we should leave without that captain. Don't you think it's his own fault if he's 20 minutes late?"

"No, I don't think so."

"My thoughts, exactly," came a throaty female voice from behind, causing Chakotay to forget to breathe for several moments. He knew that voice by heart, knew the person behind it, had often longed for her, had had her - and had lost her.

As he got his bearings, though he didn't, couldn't turn, Chakotay replied in fake delight. "Hello, Kathryn. A little late, are we?"

"What a nice welcome," she responded sarcastically. Kathryn then turned to Andrews. "And you are Lieutenant . . . ?"

"Andrews, sir," came his immediate reply, his body as stiff as humanly possible.

"At ease Lieutenant," she smiled as she remembered another time, "before you sprain something. And don't call me sir. I can't stand it."

"Aye, ma'am."

Chakotay piped in, "She can't stand that, either. I'd suggest you call her captain . . . before she will sprain something for you."

A short nod from Andrews indicated that he was all business now, whereas Chakotay had great difficulty controlling his laughter while he was looking at her - despite the discomfort he felt in her presence.

"Something amusing, Chakotay?"

"Careful, Kathryn," his tone became serious. "Don't use that commanding tone with me. I'm no longer your subordinate. Don't talk to me as though I still were."

Kathryn was clearly taken back by his comment, even speechless for a moment, but soon she recovered. "All right."

Standing, Chakotay sighed inwardly. Apparently, 'sorry' was no longer part of her vocabulary. "I suppose you want to see your quarters. I'll show you."

"Very well. Lead the way, Co . . . Captain." Her slip didn't go by unnoticed, but Chakotay chose not to comment on it, for which she was grateful.

On the way to Kathryn's quarters he remained entirely silent. He was way too occupied to talk to her - and way too shocked. Boy, was he shocked, too. How big was the chance to end up with your ex-wife on a two-month mission? One to twenty? One to thirty? Whatever the chance, he was stuck with her now. He couldn't even dodge her easily onboard the Explorer. Technically, the ship was so small that it didn't really qualify as a star ship, but still it was big enough not to be a shuttle. It reminded Chakotay of the Delta Flyer, if a bigger version of it.

Once they'd reached Kathryn's quarters, Chakotay mentally shook himself. It wouldn't do to keep dwelling on things he couldn't change.

Opening the doors, he gestured around. "These are your quarters. They're a little smaller than what you're used to. They don't have a bathtub, either."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kathryn took a look around herself. "I can live with it, though."

"You don't have much of a choice, unless you contact Starfleet and cancel your part in this mission."

"Do you want me to?"

"It's merely an option."

"Good. I don't have any intention of leaving this mission. I hope you can cope with it. If not," she shrugged her shoulders, "tough luck."

"My, aren't we nice today. Anyway, I'm going back to the bridge."

Chakotay had already turned when Kathryn caught sight of his left hand. "Why are you still wearing it?"

He once again faced her. "What?"

"Your wedding ring. Why do you still wear it? We're officially divorced."

His gaze wandered along his arm to his right hand and clenched and unclenched it for a second. "I don't know. I guess I've forgotten about it." Deliberately changing the subject, he asked about the one thing she most likely wouldn't want to talk about. "So, how's John?"

"He's fine." A look of annoyance crossed her face. "Didn't you say you wanted to go to the bridge?"

Chakotay ignored her. "What is it that he's doing?"

Kathryn began to fidget. She hated those questions. He knew it, and she knew it, too. That was what made her angry every time. "None of your business. Go, that bridge of yours is waiting."

"Why not. We're going to leave space dock in five minutes. Be there or not, it doesn't matter."

On his way to the bridge Chakotay visited his own quarters for a moment, just long enough to go to the bathroom, rip the ring off his finger, and throw it into the toilet. Watching the gold ring, Chakotay then put his arm in the toilet and fetched it back. Even though he was angry he couldn't abandon his past that easily and letting the ring disappear would be no help at all.

When he entered the bridge, his mood had visibly improved. Chakotay took his seat in the pilot chair and addressed Andrews.

"Do we have permission to leave space dock?"

"Aye. Came in a minute ago."

"Very well." His fingers gracefully moved over his console. "Course laid in. We're ready for departure." He grinned. "Here we go."

After they had left the space dock everything else was pure routine. The Explorer was moving at warp 7, on autopilot. Kathryn had decided to remain in her quarters. That probably wasn't a bad decision, given that the journey was a long one and the tension would have skyrocketed.

Andrews used that moment to gain a little more information.

"How come you know that captain?"

"Why do you always refer to her as 'that' captain?"

"Well, if someone had the nicety to tell me her name, I wouldn't have to call her that."

"You mean you don't know who she is? You never heard of Voyager? And the 'great' captain who brought her home?"

"Are you trying to tell me that is Captain Kathryn Janeway? That Captain Kathryn Janeway? You're sure that you're not joking?"

Chakotay repressed the urge to roll his eyes. "Andrews. What was my last posting? Of course I'm not joking. She was my Captain for seven years - and she's my ex-wife."

Andrews gave Chakotay a long, thorough look, then broke into laughter. "You had me believing you for a minute. You're good, I'll give you that." When Chakotay just looked at him, not the slightest sign of a smile on his lips, Andrews' eyes began to grow wide. "You're serious? I mean, you're really serious?" Chakotay nodded. "She's your ex-wife?" Another nod. "Why's that?"

"What do you want to know? Why we were divorced or why we were married in the first place?"

"I can imagine why you were married - no, don't hit me. I'm interested in the circumstances that led to your divorce. Judging by your reaction, I'd say she left you."

"She hasn't left me, she's left me behind. We were married for three years, you know. Everything was fine. She was happy, I was happy . . . But then, well you know, she got that 'very interesting and challenging' job at HQ. Suddenly, she didn't have any time at all and slowly but surely we grew apart . . ."

"Sounds to me as if you're not quite over her."

"I don't think so. I've had enough time to get over her."

"Yeah. Right."

"Listen carefully, Andrews. You don't know me well enough to be that sure about your impressions, and you certainly don't know her. I'm your captain, she's another captain, and you're here to follow orders - and keep me alive." He added with a grin, to ease the tension.

"Keeping you alive because of her or because of yourself?"

"Watch it, Lieutenant. I just might lock you into a room with her without any coffee. You may not understand this now, but if you ever have the experience, you will." Chakotay grimaced. "Oh yes, you will."

"Sounds like you've already had the experience." Andrews studied his captain closely. The way his pupils were dilated, the way all color drained from his face. "Gods, I'm believing you."

"But don't you dare tell her . . ."

Kathryn picked that moment to enter the bridge. "Don't he dare tell me what?"

Wincing, Chakotay desperately searched for a halfway intelligent answer. As none presented itself, Andrews was there to save him.

"Captain, we were discussing your love for coffee. And . . ."

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Well, and . . . and that the replicators aren't working properly. At the moment they aren't producing anything more than fresh water and some soup. I didn't get the chance to fix it." It wasn't even a lie; the replicators weren't working properly.

"Don't worry about it. I brought my own supply of real coffee. As long as I can replicate hot water, nothing's going to happen."

Kathryn focused all her attention on the pilot and captain then, touching his shoulder in her usual habit, causing him to jump a little. Well, old habits died hard and she silently cursed herself for not being more attentive. Chakotay, on his part, was fighting a losing battle with keeping his breathing even. My, that woman could unsettle him, even after three years of marriage and nearly one year of being divorced. However, he managed to focus all his attention on his console.

"How long until we're in orbit?" she asked.

Good, they were all business again, something Chakotay could cope with, something to distract him. "Approximately 72 hours," came his immediate reply.

"Very well. I will check the scientific equipment then. You're going to help me, Lieutenant?" It had more of an order than a question, and apparently Andrews got the hint for he was already following her.

Chakotay sighed the second time that day, loudly this time. It were going to be a very, very long two months . . .

*

Three weeks. They had only been there for three weeks and Kathryn had already managed to agitate Chakotay to an extreme. She had started to get daring in her demands, challenging his command position. Only their experiences and Starfleet training kept them from killing each other. Part of their problem was the lack of room they had onboard the Explorer. They were together in one room almost all day, only at night did they have some privacy. And poor Lieutenant Andrews stood between them. To his misfortune, he was friends with Chakotay, but liked Kathryn all the same. His primary goal was to disappear whenever the two captains had an argument, seeing as they tended to involve Andrews in it, trying to get him to side with one or the other.

"We have to go down," Kathryn argued. "We've got all the data we could get from this high orbit, but it isn't enough."

"And crash in the process? No, thank you," Chakotay replied as calmly as possible. "You know as well as I do that the ionosphere isn't save to fly in."

"If you're scared you will crash the ship, I will pilot it."

His patience was wearing thin. "Don't get me started on that one. I'm perfectly capable of flying this ship, but it's too risky. After all those years in the Delta Quadrant, you of all people should know that there's more at stake here than just the data, however interesting or important it may be."

"We faced worse situations out there, but we're still alive. We always managed to come out alive. So don't tell me you have to consider our lives. I know that. Still if we want valuable data we must go down." The Janeway determination was evident in her composure. "And we need, I repeat, we need some good data back at HQ."

"How do you suggest we maneuver in that environment? The turbulence will most likely tear the ship apart. Not even Tom is able to fly a ship under such circumstances."

"We can at least try. At the first sign of difficulties we'll turn around and that's it. Won't you at least try?" She put on her best puppy look and Chakotay gave in.

"Damn. You ought to have a license for that look. Okay, we'll try. But that's all I promise."

"I didn't ask for more."

"Yes, you did. That's another matter, though."

Smiling, Kathryn sat in the other seat next to Chakotay. While he was busy preparing the ship for the planet's atmosphere, she checked the sensors then contacted Andrews.

"Janeway to Andrews."

"Andrews here."

"Were going down. You better have an eye on the sensors. Hopefully, we'll get some better data."

"Understood. Andrews out." His excitement was obvious, though he tried to sound normal. Andrews was one hell of a science officer. Always ready, always curious. Just every quality a good science officer needed.

"Wipe that grin off your face, Kathryn. I knew as well you did that he would react that way. Gods, you science officers are so predictable."

"I've never laughed more," she replied sarcastically. "You'd better pay attention to your controls. And try to keep the ship in one piece."

"I've never laughed more," he mimicked her. "Brace yourself. It's going to be a bumpy ride at best."

Breaking orbit, Chakotay maneuvered the Explorer into the planet's atmosphere. The first few moments it was an eventless ride and Kathryn was about to comment about the smoothness as the ship began to rock. Only slightly in the beginning, but soon the intensity increased until the Explorer shook violently. Chakotay put all his effort into piloting the ship, using each and every trick he had learned. His skills, however, weren't good enough and he slowly lost control of the situation.

"Damn!" he swore. "You said you wanted to go down. We're going down - literally. The suction is just too strong. I can't turn around."

Just then, they were hit by a distortion wave, causing Chakotay to momentarily lose contact with his console. The lights went out and for a single moment it was completely dark, but then the emergency lights kicked in.

"What was that? What direction did the wave come from?" he yelled over the cracking sounds that were coming from everywhere at once.

"I don't know! There shouldn't have been any wave at all!" Kathryn yelled back. "Impulse just failed. Shields are down to 30%." Looking up and out the view port, her eyes grew wide. "Chakotay can you pilot the ship a little more starboard?"

"Why?"

Kathryn eyes focused on the planet's surface, or lack thereof. "Because if you don't, we'll crash into the ocean!"

Up until now Chakotay had only paid attention to his controls, but now his head jerked up and he stared out the window in disbelief. "What?" He worked frantically to get them away from the ocean. If he was able to keep the ship going just a little bit longer, they could reach the stable icy surface of that planet. Only that the surface was too far away and the ship's propulsion was off line. They still had a lot of speed, but they lacked maneuverability due to the blowing of some relays.

"We won't make it!" Chakotay yelled. "Brace for impact!"

*

Moaning, Chakotay woke an indefinable period of time later, still alive but hurting everywhere. The disorientation he felt refused to disappear at first. He had one hell of a headache and couldn't remember what had happened for one moment. When his memory hit home, he sat bolt upright from where he had been lying on the floor only to yell out a moment later, the pain in his left shoulder almost unbearable. It was most likely dislocated, though not broken. Just then he heard a moan from somewhere behind him. Turning carefully, Chakotay's eyes searched in the poor light for the source of that sound.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn's rough voice reached him before she broke into fits of coughing.

"I'm here. You're okay?"

"Yes. What about you?"

"Bad headache and probably a dislocated shoulder. Can you get the med kit? I need something for the pain."

He listened to her crawling around and muttering curses when she hit herself. Despite their unfortunate situation, a small smile was tugging on the corners of his lips. For some strange reason, he had always enjoyed hearing her swear. Kathryn had special obsession with Klingon curses. She had probably spent too much time with B'Elanna.

A bright light, shining directly into his eyes, startled him out of his thoughts.

"Ouch!" he yelped, the sudden change in illumination adding to the pain he already was in.

"Sorry." Kathryn put the light down. "Better?" He nodded. "Good. Do you want the painkiller before or after I set your shoulder?"

"Afterward I guess."

"Okay. Then which shoulder is it?"

"The left."

"Lie down," she said. After Chakotay had done so, she added, "This is going to hurt, you know."

"Kathryn, just do it."

Kathryn did, pressing his shoulder into the floor while pulling at his arm. The new inflicted pain that shot through his body brought him to the verge of passing out, but he suppressed the urge to yell in pain.

"I'm sorry."

"It's . . . all right," he managed between gasps. "Painkiller?"

"Here," Kathryn said, pressing the hypo against his neck. The medicine had an immediate effect and Chakotay exhaled in relief. "Can you sit up? I need to bandage your arm until w get a chance to permanently fix it."

Chakotay sat up, and while Kathryn tore a part of her turtleneck off as a bandage for his arm, he tapped his communicator.

"Chakotay to Andrews."

No response.

"Chakotay to Andrews. Please respond."

Still nothing.

"Computer, location of Lieutenant Andrews."

No response, either.

"Hurry up. We have to find him," he urged her on.

The minute the bandage was tight around his arm Chakotay stood, using his right arm to help Kathryn stand as well. Together they hurried to the science lab where Andrews had been working. As it turned out, Andrews was still in the lab, covered by a beam, unconscious. Luckily, Kathryn had remembered to bring the tricorder and started scanning Andrews for injuries after Chakotay had checked for a pulse. There was sadness in her eyes as she finally turned to Chakotay. "He's got severe internal bleeding." She paused for a moment. "He's going to die, Chakotay."

"Wake him."

"I don't know . . ."

"Kathryn, do it!"

His tone left no room for arguments, so she took another hypo and injected Andrews with it. It took a few moments, but his eyes eventually fluttered open, and unbelievably, a smile was gracing his lips.

"Captain Janeway," he whispered. "Chakotay, I always knew you couldn't fly."

Chakotay couldn't help smiling in return. "Yeah, I'm starting to believe it, too. How are you, my friend?"

"Don't know where to start. Sore, cold, thirsty . . . and almost dead, I suppose."

Kathryn couldn't repress the gasp, hearing those words. At the sound of it Andrews turned his head toward her.

"Don't you think you know when the end is near? Don't worry. I only wish-" He stopped as a fit of coughing overcame him. They all looked silently at the blood. "I only wish I'd see you two not arguing for once."

"Then your wish will be fulfilled. We're not arguing right now, are we Kathryn?"

"No," she whispered.

"I never thought I'd see the day. I'd even laugh if it didn't hurt that much." Andrews voice began to grow weaker. "I guess this is good-bye . . . Captain Janeway, it has been a great pleasure to serve with you . . . Chakotay, the least you can do now is get yourself and your ex-wife out of this mess . . . Gods, I'm going to miss you . . . both. I . . ." He never got the chance to finish; the light in his eyes was gone. Chakotay gently closed them, silently saying his farewells. As he looked up again he noticed a lonely tear making its way down Kathryn's cheek.

"It's all my fault," she began suddenly. "If I . . ."

"Stop it," Chakotay said sharply. "Stop it . . ." Gentler this time. "It's not your fault. It isn't mine either. It's nobody's fault, okay?"

"But . . ."

"No buts," he insisted. "You can't turn back time. Neither can I . . . He was right. The least I . . . we can do is get our butts out of this mess. Hopefully, we can get some data, too."

Her head snapped up at that, eyes ablaze with anger. "Andrews just died and you're thinking of the damn data? To hell with that data! To hell with you!"

Chakotay was taken aback by her outburst, but remained remarkably calm. "At least his death wouldn't be useless then. You know I didn't mean it that way. I'm not selfish. Our primary goal is of course repairing the ship and getting out of this ocean."

Kathryn blinked - and blinked again. "You're saying that we're . . . in . . . the ocean?"

"Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying."

*

Kathryn appeared as if she didn't know what she was supposed to do, or rather, as if she didn't understand him at all. They were in the ocean. They were in the ocean. Who the hell had they pissed off this time? Shaking her head, she tried to clear her mind and focus on the task at hand. First, they had to fix propulsion. Second, they had to accomplish flying the ship out of the ocean. Well, that shouldn't be all that difficult, now should it?

"Okay, let's get started, but not before we've put Andrews' body into stasis. We can't let him lie here," Kathryn said.

At that moment part of the hull gave way to the water's pressure. What started as a tiny tear soon developed into a medium sized leak as the cruel water forced its way through the opening. Only seconds after it had started Kathryn and Chakotay were knee deep immersed in the water. The shock of soaking through and through forced Chakotay into action and he grabbed Kathryn's hand, wading through the water as quickly as possible. They had to reach the door and lock it from the outside.

Having managed to escape their near deaths, both their chests were heaving from the effort of walking through water. Only now did Kathryn realize that the water had been warm instead of cold as it was supposed to be, given the depth in which the Explorer happened to be. That line of thinking was abandoned, however, as she realized another, far more important thing.

"Chakotay, we have a problem. In fact we have a big problem."

"What is it?"

"Apparently, the only way to engineering is blocked, or is there another way in?"

Chakotay's face paled to almost white as her words sank in. With all the water in their way they couldn't reach engineering. If they weren't able to reach engineering, they couldn't repair propulsion. If they didn't repair propulsion, they wouldn't be able to leave the ocean. If they didn't leave the ocean . . .

"Damn. Let's go to the bridge. Perhaps the transporters are still working."

"And what if they are? Chakotay, we can't beam out there. We'll be freezing to death within minutes if we do. The temperature is far below zero."

"But if we remain here, we'll die as well. I hate these no-win situations. There has to be another way to get out of here."

"Let's go to the bridge anyway. Maybe we'll get lucky and we can repair part of the damage from there."

They made their way to the bridge, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Of course, they were aware that the odds were against them. It would be on the verge of a miracle if they were indeed able to repair propulsion from the bridge. Then again, they had to give it a try. What could it hurt?

*

Both captains had been working for hours, but they had merely succeeded getting the lights back on and the computer working again. Propulsion, however, was beyond repair. They had found out that water had also found its way to engineering, flooding the room completely, the computer confirming their fears.

"That's it," Kathryn muttered as she slumped against the nearest wall, resting her sore muscles. Working for hours in a kneeling position, crunched under some panel, was taking its toll.

Chakotay frowned, not sure what she was getting at. "What do you mean?"

"I decided I'd stop working. We'll never get propulsion back online."

Silence stretched out between them, the reality of their situation sinking in. Quite suddenly and unexpectedly, Kathryn erupted into fits of laughter, though, having difficulty calming down for at least five minutes. The frown on Chakotay's forehead had deepened by the time Kathryn finally managed to stop laughing, his expression one of utter confusion. Their situation had gone from bad to worse. He didn't get what could possibly be so funny.

As if reading his mind, Kathryn offered an explanation. "This no-win situation, as you put it, reminds me of my academy days."

"And . . . ?"

She rolled her eyes. "Kobayashi Maru." When Chakotay still didn't understand, Kathryn went on. "Whatever you do, you' can't win. Kobayashi Maru - a no-win situation. Well, do you remember what Captain James T. Kirk had done when he faced Kobayashi Maru?"

"No, not really," Chakotay admitted. "I usually skipped history class."

"Kirk changed the parameters of the program so that there was a solution. I just wondered whether we're trapped in some kind of simulation. I don't know about you, but crashing a ship in an ocean without hope of rescue sounds incredibly like Kobayashi Maru."

"I'm glad that you can still laugh about it. But let's face the music: We're going to die on this planet. Chances are that rescue parties, if they ever realize that we've crashed, won't find us in time. We can't beam out of here because we'd be dead as well. We can't send a message to Starfleet because it wouldn't make it through the interference in the planet's atmosphere . . ."

"You're incorrigible, you know that? I'm trying, very hard, to forget about that and what are you doing? Reminding me of these things." Kathryn's eyes darted to the windows. "I wish you'd- Chakotay! Did you see that?"

His had snapped around, his eyes scanning the dark ocean, but he couldn't see anything unusual. "No, I didn't. What did you see?"

"I don't know what it was." She stood slowly and walked toward the windows, hoping to get a better view. "There was some sort of light, shining in blue and pink . . . I don't know what it was," she repeated.

Eventually, Chakotay joined her, watching the ocean as well. "I can't see anything unusual."

"Right now I'm not seeing anything, either, but the light was there."

"I don't need convincing. I believe you."

Then, all of a sudden, the blue and pink light was back, far closer than the first time Kathryn observed it. It was . . . something. Something neither of them had even seen before. At first glance it appeared to be some sort of an old submarine, like the 20th century had had employed, except for the enormous size of that thing and its transparency. Both captains observed the creature in awe as they realized that it wasn't a thing but a life form . . . sort of anyway. Due to its transparency they could see the inside of it and what seemed to be fish bones. It seemed to be floating in the water, its graceful movements like that of a jellyfish. Then, as quickly as it had appeared out of nowhere, it was gone again. The shock wave of its quick departure, however, sent the Explorer into movement. The ship was suddenly moving along the seabed, causing Kathryn and Chakotay to lose their footing and fall to the floor. The movement combined with the water's pressure weighed heavily on the Explorer's hull, the material being deformed under it.

"The hull is going to breach!" Kathryn yelled to drown out the noise. "We must beam out of here!"

They never got the chance to try it because at that moment the hull gave way and water was flowing into the bridge, flooding it at an incredibly high rate. There was barely enough time for them to take a deep breath, although that action seemed useless. The pressure was most likely going to crush their bodies. And if not that, how were they supposed to reach the surface?

The odd thing was that the moment the water had closed around them and the windows had broken, both Kathryn and Chakotay were still alive. For how long was another matter, after all they had to breathe really soon. Swimming out of the wreck formerly known as the Explorer, they had no way of orientation, for the water was almost black. But only for a moment, because without warning the life form was back, unfortunately shocking Kathryn so much that she exhaled in the water. Her eyes began to grow wide when she realized her mistake, but there was just no way to correct her error; she was running out of air. Her movement became frantic; panic was controlling her entire being. Kathryn didn't want to die. No, she didn't want to die at all and definitely not drowning in the ocean of an unimportant planet.

Chakotay, forced to watch it, wanted to cry when he saw his ex-wife battling with death. He had a hard time repressing that urge when he helplessly watched Kathryn's spasms, her lungs starting to fill with water. There was so much he had wanted to tell her, so much he wanted to apologize for. They had never discussed the reasons for their divorce, never talked about the good old times . . . never said good-bye. He wanted to say good-bye at least. It was hard enough dealing with the death of a loved one, much worse if one never got the chance to say good-bye.

And a loved one Kathryn was.

In spite of her being his ex-wife, Chakotay still loved her. He would always love her. His heart broke as he saw the look of complete horror on her face before a last spasm shook her and she went limp, floating in the water. Swimming to her, Chakotay, though he ran low of oxygen himself, wouldn't . . . couldn't abandon Kathryn whether she was dead or not. Gathering her small, lifeless body in his arms he waited for death, exhaling the air in his lungs.

It never came because the life form used that moment to pick up the two human beings. A hole was building in its skin, just big enough to pull Chakotay and Kathryn inside together with water surrounding them. The water, however, was pumped outside through some sort of gills, leaving fresh breathable air behind.

As soon as the air reached his lungs Chakotay began to cough, but he wouldn't let himself be distracted by that. Instead he crawled to Kathryn, rolling her on her back, starting artificial respiration. It had only been a few minutes, so chances were that Chakotay could bring her back to life. Pushing down on her chest, he counted the seconds and repeated the action. Then he closed her nose and opened her mouth, breathing air into her lungs. Chakotay repeated these actions for several long moments, but didn't get any response from her. Then, without warning, pictures flashed through his mind, all of which showing similar situations, all of them ending with the same scene: giving up the effort. Furthermore, Chakotay began to feel the emotions of the life form, conveying its sorrow and sympathy. The emotions started getting stronger, adding to his misery and feeling of helplessness. In the end, Chakotay stopped trying to get Kathryn to breathe again. He slumped on the floor beside her, finally letting his tears make their way down his cheeks.

It didn't last long. He had been momentarily overwhelmed by the alien's emotions, had been unable to distinguish between them and his own. Deep down, however, Chakotay knew that Kathryn could make it. Fighting helpless situations was her nature. She had never given up easily, so he decided that there was no reason why she should start doing so now. Resuming his previous position above Kathryn, he once more began artificial respiration, but this time he wouldn't give up.

"Breathe dammit, breathe, Kathryn!" he yelled into her face. "You must breathe! Don't you dare die on me, do you hear me?! I won't let you die! Fight, dammit, breathe!"

Nothing.

"Breathe!" he yelled again. "I can't let you die! I love you, dammit! Now breathe!"

In the few breathless moments that followed, as time itself seemed to stand still, Chakotay didn't dare to move, his grief crushing down on him. But then Kathryn started coughing; her eyes fluttered open, closed, and opened again, followed by a sharp intake of air. More coughing followed, but Chakotay didn't notice. All he could focus on was that Kathryn was alive, that she had cheated death once again. He was powerless against the overwhelming feeling of relief that ran through his entire body as he gathered her in his arms, rocking her like a child. His tears were no longer those of despair but of happiness. Kathryn was alive . . .

*

Kathryn's senses weren't fully back yet; all she could focus on was breathing, and the warm body she was pressed against. It took her all of five minutes to realize that the body was that of her ex-husband, who was rocking her to and fro, whispering something into her ear. Kathryn couldn't quite understand what Chakotay was saying, but instinctively knew his words. She was about to reply when she felt a presence in her head. Surprisingly, it wasn't intruding at all, wasn't uncomfortable in any way. Only now did she notice her surroundings, the inside of the life form. With the little strength she had left, Kathryn managed to pull away from to Chakotay; long enough to shoot a questioning glance in his direction.

"Chakotay . . ." She tried but her voice wouldn't quite obey her. However, he seemed to know what she wanted to ask.

"I honestly don't know. Suddenly, we were pulled inside. All I can tell you is that this life form is intelligent."

Kathryn nodded in agreement, unable to do more at the moment. That much she had figured out herself because the life form was still present in her head. It wasn't intruding though, taking more the roll of an observer, now and then letting Kathryn feel its emotions.

"How are you feeling?" Chakotay asked.

"I've seen better days," she managed to say this time, although her voice sounded strangely hoarse. No wonder with all the salt water she had swallowed. "What about you?"

"I'm fine." Watching her scrutinizing him, he added, "Really, I'm okay."

Apparently, it was convincing enough for Kathryn and so she focused on getting up from the floor - if one could call it that - and his embrace. She failed miserably though, being too weak to accomplish the task, and sank back into Chakotay's inviting arms. As for Chakotay, he didn't mind one bit, the shock of her near death experience not having completely left him yet. Turning Kathryn in his arms, he shifted position until he was somewhat comfortable, wrapping his arms around her waist while her back rested against his chest, and started thinking about all the times she had almost left him in one way or another - and, of course, the time she had really left him . . . behind. This all seemed strangely far away, however, for the way they were sitting in easy silence felt so natural, so right, as if they had never stopped doing so.

Kathryn was preoccupied with the weird situation they happened to be in. At first glance the mission had appeared to be easy yet interesting. The only thing that had bothered her in the beginning had been working with Chakotay again. As opposed to his ignorance of his 'last' crewmember, Kathryn had been aware of whom she had been assigned to work with. She even had considered declining the offer, but, on the other hand, her curiosity had been awakened, so she had decided to accept the little inconvenience in order to satisfy her scientific curiosity. But she had gotten more than she had asked for. A crashed ship, a dead crewmember, another near death experience . . . and it all had been her fault. In spite of Chakotay telling her it hadn't been her mistake, Kathryn couldn't help feeling that way. She had gotten used to it in the Delta Quad and old habits died hard.

Meanwhile, the life form was discreetly reading both their minds. It didn't mean to pry into their thoughts or anything, but never having encountered other species was making it impossible for it to block Kathryn's and Chakotay's thoughts. The planet's inhabitants were all telepathic - and peaceful, so there had never been a reason to block the other's thoughts. Reading the minds of these two, gave the life form an incredible insight into the human race. It saw things and people it hadn't realized existed, places that were beautiful yet impossible for it to ever reach, and it saw, or rather felt, the strong emotions of these two human beings for one another. That was a concept the life form understood just too well. Despite the great differences between its kind and theirs, emotions were something they experienced in the same way, yet the mixed emotions Kathryn was feeling confused it. Deciding it was time to get some answers to its questions, the life form began to form a stronger telepathic link, deciding to show Kathryn and Chakotay pictures, for it yet had to learn their language.

Both Chakotay and Kathryn stiffened as the first picture formed in their minds, as they had gotten used to the silent presence in their minds. It was, however, only an initial reaction and soon they relaxed again, trying hard to understand the message of the pictures they were seeing, but the speed with which they were displayed in their heads was all wrong. Sensing that they could not cope with this speed, the life form slowed the pace, adjusting to their level of comprehension. Yet neither Kathryn nor Chakotay understood the message. The scenes of their research in orbit, their crash, their struggle in water, replayed in their heads, but even from a different point of view, they were unable to get the meaning of the pictures.

A few moments of complete silence followed during which the telepathic bond remained strong but unused. Then the pictures were replaced by a soothingly soft voice. The shock upon hearing it must have transmitted through the link because the life form answered their unspoken question.

I've learned your language because I wanted to tell you that we're sorry about what happened.

"What do you mean?" Kathryn and Chakotay asked simultaneously.

Your crash was our fault. We're a peaceful species, you see. And in order to protect ourselves from others, we've erected a force field around our planet. Normally, it's enough to keep others from disturbing us.

"We . . . We didn't want to disturb anyone. We thought this planet was uninhabited," Kathryn tried to explain herself, still having problems grasping the whole picture.

I'm sorry. Disturbing wasn't the right word. I'm still learning your language. It's just that we're not used to having others around us.

"How do you do that? Learning our tongue, I mean," Chakotay asked, speaking for the first time. "I understand you haven't heard of it before."

The knowledge is all in your minds. I apologize for intruding, but we're also not used to blocking the thoughts of others. From you I've learned that your kind treasures privacy, a concept that isn't known to us.

Kathryn shifted position a few times, suddenly not comfortable anymore. She had never liked the idea of presenting her innermost thoughts to others, so she had usually kept contact to telepaths limited.

You don't have to fear anything, the life form said, addressing Kathryn and Kathryn only. I won't tell him.

After that Kathryn relaxed again and all three of them continued talking. She and Chakotay found out that this species called itself the Indraani. Apparently, they were technologically advanced but didn't use their knowledge to explore space like the humans did. Well, for obvious reasons one might add. The Indraani's large body and their need of water to live was keeping them from doing so. In the hours they spent talking, Kathryn and Chakotay were also told that a rescue party was on the way. Chakotay had managed to send a signal to Starfleet before they had crashed, although he had never been sure that it had gotten through the interference. The Indraani informed him that when they had realized their mistake, they had deactivated the force field so the message had arrived at Starfleet.

Your people are here. We'll swim to the surface now. From there you can contact them.

"Thank you," Kathryn replied. "We appreciate your help. I'm just sorry that we have to leave that early."

Don't worry. We've learned much from you and you're allowed to come back. We've realized that you're no threat to us, so you're welcome. Then it spoke to Kathryn alone. I want to show you something. Consider it a parting gift. May I?

At Kathryn's positive reaction, the Indraani began to show her pictures of Chakotay, a replay of earlier events when Kathryn's body had been floating lifelessly in water, when Chakotay had done artificial respiration. Kathryn watched in her mind Chakotay's tear-streaked face, watched him yelling at her, and telling her "I love you".

Her head snapped up then, a look of utter disbelief on her face.

"What's wrong?" Chakotay asked concerned.

You have to decide what you want to do with the information. Tell him or don't. That's up to you, the Indraani told Kathryn.

"Nothing. Everything's fine. " Nothing was fine, however. She had just realized that her ex-husband still loved her and noticed that she had never stopped loving him either.

"If you say so." Chakotay wasn't convinced, for he had seen her expression, but if she didn't want to tell him, what could he do?

We've reached the surface. You can contact your people now, the Indraani announced.

"Thank you," Chakotay replied. "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Yes," Kathryn agreed. "Thank you." Though only she and the Indraani knew what she was thankful for. "Good bye."

Everything happened rather quickly then. Kathryn and Chakotay 'left' the Indraani's large body quite the same way they had 'entered' it. As soon as the icy cold of the planet's surface hit them, they contacted the Starfleet ship in orbit to have them and Lieutenant Andrews' body beamed up.

*

Onboard the U.S.S. Prometheus Kathryn was pacing her temporary quarters. She hadn't talked to Chakotay yet, and she wasn't sure whether or not she would do so when unexpectedly she got a message. Walking over to the desk, Kathryn activated the computer terminal, noticing it was just a written note, and started reading. It was from Chakotay telling her that he would leave the ship in ten minutes. Also, he apologized for the hard times he had given her onboard the Explorer. Kathryn blinked. He apologized? She should be the one apologizing to him for all the stress she had caused him. When she reached the last line, though, she froze.

Chakotay had signed with "I love you . . . wife".

"Oh God," Kathryn groaned, then leaped up from the chair and literally stormed out of her quarters. She hadn't even acknowledged the fact that she was about to stop Chakotay from leaving the ship as she ran along the corridors, hoping against hope that she wouldn't be too late. The decision about whether or not to tell him about what the Indraani had shown her was taken from her now.

Rounding the last corner, Kathryn's chest was heaving from exercise, but she didn't care about that, or her appearance right now, figuring that she would run out of time if she did. Entering the transporter room, Kathryn arrived just in time. Chakotay was about to give the order to beam him off the ship, when she stormed in and stopped him mid-sentence.

"Don't you dare walk out on me," she said, unshed tears in her eyes. "Not after that message."

Stepping off the platform, Chakotay walked straight to her, although he wasn't that sure that her presence was such a good thing.

"Why can't you tell me to my face?" Kathryn continued. "You have to tell me to my face before I can believe it." Standing only inches away from his face, she added, "Gods Chakotay, love was never the problem! I can tell you for I still love you very much . . ."

Seconds later they were a bundle of limbs, kneeling on the floor, embracing each other fiercely, oblivious to their surroundings. For when an old flame walks back into your life, you can find yourself falling in love all over again . . .

THE END

There is a short sequel to this story: Catching Up

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