All In Good Humor

"Oh come on Kathryn. You can't stay mad forever," Chakotay said with a foolish grin on his face.

"I can try," she snapped. She began pacing the length of her ready room while Chakotay watched her from the spot near the door. He then moved over to her couch, figuring he might as well make himself comfortable during their conversation.

"Tell me," Kathryn ordered, stopping her pacing for a minute, "What exactly did I do at the party yesterday?"

"You really can't remember, can you?" Chakotay knew she couldn't. Tom had done too good a job when he had replaced the synthehol with real alcohol, getting his Captain drunk.

"Of course I can't. Would I ask that stupid, if I were able to?!" Kathryn returned, rolling her eyes. Was that man terrible.

Chakotay was unimpressed by her grumpy behavior. "Let's see. You drank about five or six glasses of that stuff Tom had brought. You couldn't stop touching me . . . And I didn't stop you either," he added, smiling broadly. Her face had become pale by now. "But the best part of the show was you dancing on the table . . ."

Her eyes grew wide in shock. "I didn't . . ." she said in disbelief,". . . did I?"

"Are you accusing me of lying?" Chakotay asked in mock seriousness.

"No . . . or are you?"

"Watch it, Captain," he warned, waving his index finger at her. "I just might leave you alone for tonight."

"And I thought you have a thing for your Captain," Kathryn returned sweetly.

"I do. It just needs a little more attention from her." After that they fell silent until Kathryn spoke again.

"How many people saw me?"

"Saw you doing what?"

"Table dancing," she sighed.

"So, you're believing me now?"

"Yep, I suppose so. How many??"

"I'd say the senior staff, except Tuvok and the Doctor, and another 20 to 25 people."

"And you didn't stop me? Why?"

"You looked just too cute, dancing on that table and singing some 20th century love song . . ."

"I danced on a table AND sang a love song?!" She sat beside Chakotay, putting her head in her hands. "Oh my God . . ."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world. You performed great. I love your throaty voice."

"Chakotay," she warned.

"Your smooth moves as you slid along the table . . ."

"Chakotay, if you don't stop . . ."

"The way your hips swayed . . ."

"You asked for it, Mister." Throwing herself at him, she started tickling his ribs, making him beg for mercy.

"I surrender! I surrender! You performed horribly. I hate your voice and . . . would you keep your hands to yourself?"

"I thought that thing you have for me needed attention?"

"It does. But we're in your ready room, remember?"

Kathryn gave him her puppy look but kept her hands to herself, leaning against the back of the couch. A few moments of silence followed during which both of them were thinking their own thoughts.

"How am I supposed to make it through the shift?" she sighed. "Tom will probably tease me to death."

"Naw, he won't." Chakotay's face lit up, his eyes were getting that odd look. "He himself had a little too much to drink. If I start telling about his actions, he'll shut up."

Kathryn's eyebrows rose. "Details, I want details."

"He stripped."

"Aw, yes. He . . . what?!"

"You heard me."

"You have to be kidding me."

"No. Tom did strip until B'Elanna kicked him out of the holodeck. Remember, he was late for his shift this morning, telling us he was in sickbay."

"That's no proof at all. He often spends time in sickbay after spending the night with B'Elanna." Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest, emphasizing her point.

"But he was never late for duty," Chakotay retorted, crossing his arms as well.

"Your point. Still it doesn't confirm that he actually stripped."

"We could ask Seven. She was there as well and didn't drink a bit."

"Yes, we could."

"Let's do it then." Chakotay stood, waiting fot her to do the same thing. Kathryn, however, remained sitting, looking surprised up to him.

"You're serious?"

"Yes."

"And what the hell are we going to tell Seven if she asks us why we need that information?"

"We'll figure it out when the need arises. Now come." He extended his hand to her.

Shaking her head in disbelief, Kathryn took it. "You're incredible."

"That's why you love me so much."

"Go to hell."

"Love to. Come with me?"

"I've already done that a hundred times."

"Have I enjoyed it?" he teased her.

Slapping his arm, Kathryn walked past him and exited the ready room. Chakotay followed close behind, handing the bridge over to Tuvok on his way to the turbo lift. When the doors closed Kathryn turned to Chakotay who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Wipe that grin off your face, Mister. We should at least try to look serious while talking to Seven."

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted. "Any other wishes while we're at it?"

"You could kiss me for example."

"Yes, I suppose I could."

"Then go right ahead. This 'lift will stop *really* soon."

Chakotay didn't need to hear that twice, pressing her back against the 'lift's wall and kissing her for all he was worth. His hands had a mind of their own, tangling in her hair, as his lips worked their magic on Kathryn, sending her sensors into overload. Neither of them noticed when the 'lift stopped and the doors opened nor did they realize when Seven watched them curiously.

"Captain, Commander," Seven greeted them, causing Voyager's most senior officers to jump apart, looking horrified at themselves then to Seven and back to themselves.

"Um . . . hello . . . hello, Seven," Kathryn stuttered. She turned crimson of embarrassment. Chakotay on the other hand didn't seem to mind at all.

"Hello, Seven. Actually, we were on our way to you."

Seven remained outside the turbolift while Kathryn and Chakotay walked out of it. Standing in her usual composure, Seven waited for the Commander to speak again.

"We need an information," he began. "You were present at the party yesterday. Do you remember what Lieutenant Paris had done before Lieutenant Torres kicked him out of the mess hall?"

"I do," she said, otherwise remaining silent for she had answered his question.

"And what has he done?" Kathryn asked impatiently. She wanted to get as far away from Seven as possible so she could slap some sense into that big oaf next to her.

"Lieutenant Paris undressed in front of the crew," Seven stated in her normal emotionless tone of voice.

"Thank you, Seven. That will be all." Kathryn then grabbed Chakotay's arm, pulling him along her way, as she headed off to the bridge.

Seven watched them disappear, a puzzled expression on her face. She decided she would ask Lieutenant Paris later what the behavior of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay meant.

"See, Kathryn. She didn't even ask why we wanted to know that. Why aren't you happy?"

"Why I'm not happy? Why *I* am not happy?!" She kept her voice down, but it had a dangerous note in it. "You big oaf! No, she didn't ask but saw us kissing! Why would I be happy?!"

"What's wrong with kissing? It isn't that nobody knows about us."

"That wasn't kissing. That was eating each other alive! Gods, that's embarrassing."

"If you say so." Chakotay would drop the subject for now, knowing quite well it would come up again really soon. His eyes got a mischievous gleam as he thought of what was about to come.

Together they entered the next turbolift and rode it to the bridge in complete silence. Chakotay, trying to wipe the grin off of his face, and Kathryn, trying to cool off her temper. Once there they walked straight to their chairs, their command masks firmly in place. Another few minutes of silence followed while Kathryn waited for Paris to speak, knowing he couldn't control himself too long.

"So Captain, have had a nice evening?"

There it was. Kathryn's mask partly faded, allowing a grin to spread acroos her face. "Not more then you've had I'd say. Perhaps you should search the mess hall for the rest of your clothes."

The entire bridge crew erupted into chuckles and giggles until Paris, totally unimpressed, replied, "Then maybe you should come with me. I'm sure we'll find some of your clothes as well."

Suddenly, a death silence hung over the bridge. No one dared to move or breathe. It was broken, however, when Chakotay couldn't control his laughter any longer. His head fell back and he roared with laughter, turning deep red of lack of oxygen.

Kathryn's voice echoed through the bridge as she yelled at him. "Ready room, NOW!" She was almost inside by now, avoiding the gazes of her crew, seething with rage. Chakotay calmly followed her although he was unable to control an occasional chuckle.

Once he was inside, Kathryn had a hard time resisting the urge to slap his arrogant face. Instead she voted for screaming at him.

"You're a dead man!! I'm going to kick your ass off of this ship!" Controlling herself was growing harder each passing minute. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

Chakotay carefully kept his expression neutral as he approached her. "Kathryn . . ."

"No!" She backed off. "Don't you do your Kathryn routine on me! I can't believe you did this to me. I really can't . . . Get out," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"I . . ." he began but she cut him off.

"Get out!"

He didn't make a move towards the door though. That was it. What little of her control Kathryn had left vanished and she slapped him hard across his face. An angry red mark appeared on it, but except a single blink of his eye he didn't reacted at all . . . at first. When Kathryn lifted her hand a second time, he moved quickly, pinning her to the wall and keeping her immobilized.

She struggled against his hold with all her strength. "Let me go, dammit!"

"First, you're going to listen to what I have to say."

Her eyes blazed with anger but she remained quiet, stopping her struggles. Chakotay didn't speak though. Instead his eyes fastened on her lips that were slightly parted, his eyes becoming dark pools of desire. Kathryn rather felt than saw the change that occurred within him when his breathing grew quicker, renewing her struggle. Chakotay's mouth came crushing down hers and even though she tried to shake him off her anger slowly gave way to her desire.

When he felt her going limp in his arms he reluctantly broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," he eventually said. "It was all in good humor. If I had known you'd reacted this way I'd have definitely told you . . . Nevertheless, it was funny," Chakotay added with a small smile, knowing she wasn't mad anymore.

"You're incorrigible," she groaned, good-naturally though. "Let me go?"

"Of course." He backed off, allowing her the room to move. Kathryn went to her couch, but not before she got herself and him a cup of coffee. Sitting down and handing him his cup, she gestured for him to do the same.

"Now you're going to tell me what I did last night. And I mean everything, nothing more and nothing less."

Kathryn listened intently as he began to tell her of the events of last night, occasionally stopping to sip on his coffee. Chakotay told her about how much she had drunk, how relaxed she had been, that she had indeed practiced table dancing and singing. Then he came to the part that interested her most.

"And yes, you did begin to strip to some extent." Seeing her horrified look, he quickly continued. "Don't worry. I dragged you out of there before things got out of hand. You didn't come further than removing your shoes and scarf."

She thought for a moment before she asked, "Then how can you know that Tom stripped as well? If he had done it before I did, he couldn't have known that I stripped. The same goes for the other way around. If I had stripped before he did, you couldn't have known that he stripped."

"It started simultaneously more or less," Chakotay explained. "Tom had started the whole thing and you joined him shortly after. B'Elanna and I reacted at the same time, dragging you both out of the mess hall. Although Tom undressed a little faster than you did."

"And what have we been doing through the night? We have been doing something, haven't we?"

He coughed to cover his laugh although he didn't do a good job with it. "The usual stuff you know, testing the furniture's capacity and the carpet's softness."

"No bed?"

"Not for that kind of activity." He watched her for a moment before saying, "We ought to get out there." He pointed towards the bridge.

Kathryn's' brows furrowed. Apparently, she was thinking of a way out of this mess. How was she supposed to live through all this? She could hide in her ready room for the rest of her shift, but somehow that didn't sound appealing. It would make her appear cowardly and she most definitely was no coward, under any circumstances. So what to do now?

As if Chakotay was able to read her mind he answered her unspoken question. "Well, you could just go out there, reprimanding Paris or acting as if nothing's happened," he suggested.

Suddenly, Kathryn hopped off the couch and literally ran to the exit of her ready room. Chakotay eventually followed her, having no clue what had gotten into her.

As Kathryn entered the bridge all eyes immediately focused upon her, except those of Tom Paris. He carefully avoided drawing any attention to his person.

"Commander, you have the bridge," she announced. Heading towards the turbolift, Kathryn added. "Tom, you're with me. We're going to search through the mess hall for personal belongings."

"Yes, ma'am," came the relieved sigh from Paris as he stood and followed his captain, a broad smile gracing his lips. He was off the hook.

Chakotay couldn't help grinning as he took his place in the captain's chair. That day had been all fun and it wasn't over yet. He started thinking of the wonderful evening he was going to spend with Kathryn. And who knows? Maybe he could get her to strip once more, without any interruption . . .

THE END

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