Reunion

Kathryn Janeway was pacing her quarters. It was 2 am and she hasn't got any sleep at all. Since their return she hasn't slept well, but at least she got a few hours a day. She felt she couldn't go on like this. Janeway was a wreck. Each day on the bridge she wasn't the captain she wanted to be. She spent most of the time in her ready room and only left it to bark, "Report!" No, it cannot go on like this, she thought.

But she had a little difficulty to go to Chakotay and apologize.

And what to say? Chakotay, I want you back? No, she couldn't do that. She has decided to end their relationship. She has forced him to accept that. She told him, if she could bottle up her feeling, he could do likewise. Except that was easier said than done.

And for what? For the good of the crew? Ha! What good I am, when they suffer under my bad mood?, she wondered.

To make things worse, she hasn't seen Chakotay in days. Five days ago he asked for a few days to himself. And there was no reason to deny his request, because the region of space they were in was quiet and he wasn't really needed. But she hasn't seen him and every time she asked the computer about his whereabouts, she was told Chakotay was in his quarters.

Now she was still awake, paced her quarters and wondered, what he was doing. Suddenly she became angry. Of what, she had no clue.

Maybe of him, maybe of herself. Probably of herself, she decided.

But anger transformed into fury and she began to yank pictures and vases, PADDs and books, clothes and even furniture around until she was exhausted and her quarters were a mess. That was, when she started to cry for all the things she has denied herself, for all what could have been, for all the mistakes she has made and for all the pain she has caused Chakotay.

It wasn't until later, that she felt a gentle touch on her left shoulder and heard a soft voice whisper her name. As she looked up, she looked directly into the deep brown eyes of Chakotay, which spoke of concern, love and pain.

*

Chakotay was completely unprepared, when he heard noise from the quarters next to him. Because he wasn't fully awake he didn't recognize right away what or better who was the cause. However, as recognition dawned he immediately stood before Kathryn's door and typed his override code into the panel next to her door. He was also completely unprepared for the sight, which greeted him. Almost everything was broken and he could hear sniffing sounds coming from Kathryn's bedroom. Chakotay called out once, but didn't get an answer, so he went into her bedroom to see what was wrong with her.

The sight of her shook him to the core. Kathryn was sitting on the carpet leaned against her bed. Arms around knees, head resting on top of her arms and she was crying. Chakotay went straight to her, led a hand on her left shoulder and spoke quietly, "Kathryn?" He would never forget the look of complete astonishment on her face, when she lifted her head and realized it was him.

*

Chakotay took her in his arms and she surrendered completely, but wasn't able to tell him how wrong she had been. First she needed to calm down.

Chakotay beamed them both to his quarters; hers wasn't an option anymore. In his living room he sat down and cradled Kathryn in his arms. Even if he had wanted to free himself, there wouldn't had been a possibility to do so, because she clung to him for dear life.

Chakotay did the next best thing that came to his mind, he made soothing sounds and wondered what has troubled her so much.

It has to be pretty bad, when she breaks down like this, he mused.

The thought, that her own stubbornness might be the cause never occurred to him.

As he felt her shifting her position he realized she had cried herself to sleep. Chakotay carried her to his bed, put her in and slightly kissed her forehead, before he covered her with the blanket and went back to his living room. There he lay down onto his couch and tried to sleep as well.

After hours of tossing and turning on the couch, Chakotay got up and went straight to Janeway's quarters, after being on the safe side nobody would see him.

What a mess, he thought, before tiding up her quarters, while desperately trying to find out the reason for her behavior.

*

Kathryn Janeway was dreaming. She walked along a sandy beach and watched a beautiful sunset. She was completely unaware of the little lizard beside her until it began to speak.

You love him, it said.

Yes.

And you want him back.

Yes.

And why haven't you told him?, it wanted to know.

I . . . I don't know-, she answered, but was cut of.

Yes, you know. You're not sure, he will forgive you. You're afraid of his reaction.

Kathryn wanted to object, but the lizard continued. You don't know him well. He has a lot more patience than you think. And he will come back to you. But this time he will be careful. You have to be sure.

With this her dream faded and she became slowly awake. First a bit disoriented she soon realized, where she was and why she was there.

Kathryn quietly got up and made her way to Chakotay's living room.

*

Meanwhile Chakotay was back in his quarters and meditated. Because he wasn't able to determine what Kathryn's problem was, he hoped his spirit guide knew the answer.

Chakotay, my friend. Why are you so troubled? his guide asked.

Is this that obvious?

For me? Yes.

I'm concerned of Kathryn. She broke down and is now resting in my bed. I want to help her with whatever problem there is, but I don't know what caused her so much pain.

She is afraid.

Afraid of what?

Afraid of your reaction. She is very much in love with you. She has finally realized, she needs somebody to lean on.

Then the connection was broken and Chakotay slowly opened his eyes to look directly into the deep blue one's of Kathryn Janeway.

She never broke eye contact while she moved towards him.

"We need to talk. Actually that means I need to talk," she began, when she sat cross legged in front of him.

"So I guessed," was all he said. He watched her, as she collected her thoughts. Unshed tears shining in her eyes.

Before she got the chance to voice her thoughts, he said, "I love you."

Her tears broke through and she instantly was in his arms. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much," she whispered. "Can you forgive me?"

"Of course, I can. But I won't go through this again, you know. You have to be sure, that's what you really want," he told her in a very serious tone.

"Yes, it is," she replied, "All the excuses don't work anymore. Protocol can go to hell!"

"And what about the crew?"

"I'm no good for the crew when I'm like this. I think -" But this was everything Chakotay wanted to know and therefore he silenced Kathryn with a very passionate kiss to which she equally responded. The kiss went on and on until their lungs called for air.

Ever so slowly he wiped her tears away and asked, "What do you want, Kathryn?"

"Right now? At this very moment?"

"Yes," came the reply.

"I should say being home or something. But what I really want; show me the way to your bed."

And he did.

THE END

Feedback, please?