Until The End

Kathryn Janeway was lying in bed, slowly growing weaker by each passing minute. She wasn't afraid though. The time had finally come when she'd be reunited with him again. It wasn't that long anymore, at best a few more hours. And her mind kept going back to the happiest times in her life . . .

. . . when she had first laid eyes on Chakotay. Her heart had skipped several beats, although she wouldn't admit it at that time. She had been too much the Captain then and he had been the enemy, if very handsome. In retrospect, however, she knew the attraction had been present from the very beginning.

. . . when she had first contacted her spirit guide with the help of Chakotay. It had still been at the beginning but she had already put a great deal of trust in him. As he had taken her hand and put it on the hallucinogenic device she had thought she'd faint right then and there. The physical contact had sent sparks of . . . something through her entire body. She'd been unable to determine what exactly it had been, but it had made her feel good.

. . . when they had been stranded on New Earth - alone. It had been the turning point in both their lives. For Kathryn the adjustment hadn't been easy. Despite Chakotay's efforts of making their life together comfortable she hadn't been able to let go of her old life at first. And of course she had kept fighting and denying her feelings for him since she still had hoped to find a cure. That all had changed, however, when the plasma storm had destroyed her research equipment.

A faint smile was gracing Kathryn's lips now as she remembered the way Chakotay had held her tight under the table. Kathryn hadn't thought of the danger the storm had been causing and would have gone outside, rescuing her equipment, if it hadn't been for Chakotay. It had been hard for her, watching her life break into thousand pieces. Chakotay had helped her to rebuild her life when he had told her the legend of the Angry Warrior.

Kathryn still could remember the words as if it was yesterday. He had said, ‘I am not sure I can define parameters, but I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people. It's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe. A man who couldn't find peace even with the help of his spirit guide. For years, he struggled with his discontent, but the only satisfaction he ever got came when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still lo nged for peace within himself. One day he and his war party were captured by a neighboring tribe lead by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her tribe because her tribe was too small and too weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave and beautiful and very wise. The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace.' She had then asked, ‘Is this really an ancient legend?' Chakotay had smiled but averted his eyes for a moment. As he had looked up again his expression had become serious and he said, ‘No, but that made it easier to say.'

Tears had been streaming down Kathryn's face when he had extended her hand to him, knowing there had been no point in denying her feelings any longer. That night they had become lovers, showing their love for each other under the moonlight, crying silently as they had become one.

Not even their rescue had been able to separate them, although they had had difficulties adjusting to their life aboard Voyager once more. But soon they had overcome the first tense days, agreeing to keep their relationship private for the time being, unsure of the crew's reaction to it at that time.

It had probably been a mistake, given their argument over the Borg. They had kept their private life carefully separated from their professional one until Kathryn had crossed that line, asking him if he trusted her. Of course she had known the answer to that question, he had loved her for God's sake. Still she didn't know why she had asked him that in the first place. She just knew that she had hurt him badly. Even though the atmosphere between them had been chilly for weeks they had overcome those difficulties as well when Kathryn had apologized. A difficult thing for her to do, given her stubbornness and pride. Yet she had done it, reconciled with Chakotay, to save what they had shared.

Then, during their fourth year in the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn had got that message from Mark. She had been kind of hesitant to read it at first. After all she had already moved on and had been frightened to read that perhaps Mark had been still waiting for her. Chakotay had been there for her, telling her that she needed to know for sure. He had been right, of course, so she had opened the message and let out a relieved sigh, reading that Mark had indeed moved on with his life. Shortly after that, Kathryn and Chakotay had made an announcement, telling their crew about their relationship and breaking the news about their upcoming marriage.

Their wedding had been beautiful. It had been held on the holodeck with Tuvok, performing the ceremony. Every crew member that hadn't been on duty had attended to the marriage of their most senior officers. Chakotay had been wearing a black tuxedo with a white cummerbund and a white rose on his lapel, standing in front of Tuvok and watching Kathryn as she walked to him. She had been led by Tom Paris who had happily agreed to do the job of handing her away. She had looked absolutely breathtaking in her white floor length wedding gown. It had been made of layers upon layers of lace and silk, had been sleeveless and had had a very long train. Throughout the whole ceremony they had cried tears of happiness, all their wishes coming true. The crew had responded well to their wedding plans and even Tuvok, though he had had some reservations, hadn't blocked their chance of happiness.

About one year later Voyager's crew had finally made it home. After the initial failures with the slipstream, Seven, B'Elanna, and Harry had been able to integrate that technology into Voyager's systems. There hadn't been a one hundred per cent compatibility, but it had been enough to get Voyager into Federation space before the slipstream had failed.

Their return had been nothing of what the had expected. The Federation had waged war against the Dominion, each and every member of Voyager's crew had received a new assignment the moment they had returned. Many of Voyager's former crew had died in that war. Only a handful of them had been lucky enough to survive. Kathryn had been among them, but Chakotay hadn't made it.

The shock upon hearing that had been great. Kathryn's world had come crashing down on her feet then. She had felt alone once again but soon had discovered that she had never really been alone and still wasn't. Chakotay had visited her in her dreams ever since that fateful day, reassuring her that they would be together once more, telling her she would make it, that he would wait for her just as he had always done.

So Kathryn had lived the rest of her life at peace with herself yet not completely happy. She had longed for his touch on her body, his warm breath on her skin . . . his tender kisses. And soon she would have that all again, soon she would meet her soul mate and stay with him for all eternity.

Suddenly, the refrain of a song she had loved to listen to when she was a teenager came to her mind.

I might be kissing the sheets
And I might be hugging the pillow
All night long
But I don't mind
Coz I have you on my mind

These five lines were describing her feelings for the last twenty years quite well.

It was almost over now, Kathryn could feel it and was ready to welcome death open armed. For it was no real end to things it was just the beginning. The beginning of eternity with her love, her soul mate. With Chakotay . . . her other half.

THE END

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