Homing Behaviour

Turning again, Chakotay glanced around the now empty room, only the standard issue furniture remained; it was almost as if he'd never lived here at all. Hard to believe that for seven years this had been his home. It was only been six months since they had come through the Borg transwarp hub, it already felt like a lifetime.

The Federation pardoned the Maquis. And the Starfleet PR machine had rolled into action; proclaiming Voyagers crew heroes along the lines of James T Kirk.

Most of the crew had left Voyager 4 months earlier. Sam had asked him to help her talk to Naomi, to reassure her. His stomach in knots, as he'd gently prised the scared little girl's fingers from his shirt, as she'd sobbed. "Please, Commander, I promise, I'll be good-don't make me leave." His heart almost breaking, as he'd turned away, promising to visit when they'd settled in.

The panic he'd felt then resurfaced now; Voyager was his home, too, and he didn't want to leave either.

Starfleet had detained the senior officers for a further two; he smiled as he recalled Tom's words.

"My, how the time flies when you're being de-briefed, Admiral." And the look of despair on Admiral Paris's face as his son spoke the words to Admiral Nitiz, then the rueful smile as he realised Tom's sense of humour and most of all timing would always be different. The senior crew were leaving.

His mind went back to that sad parting, which included tears from the Doctor and Harry, heated promises from B'Elanna to rip his heart out if he didn't keep in touch, and hugs all round, even from Tom. But no Kathryn. She'd said her good byes in private and hadn't even come to the transporter room to say goodbye.

Tuvok had raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Commander, it has been most interesting serving with you. Live Long and Prosper."

Chakotay raised his hand spreading his fingers. "Long Life, Tuvok."

Vulcans were touch telepaths, preferring not to be touched. But to Chakotay's surprise, Tuvok offered his hand and as he took it, the words the Vulcan spoke brought a lump to his throat.

"Commander, I leave Kathryn Janeway in your care." Chakotay had stood watching until the shuttle was out of sight.

Then there were two, the first officer and Captain. They had remained on board alone for the last two months, daily rounds of long de-briefing sessions, in-depth questions about every decision they had ever made and some they didn't even remember making. Now the questions were finished. During the two months since the other senior officers had left they'd kept Kathryn away from him. He didn't know why, they wouldn't tell him. He'd started to think perhaps it was Kathryn's choice, not Starfleet's. Worse, that she could be depressed, as she had been in the Void, but this time refusing to see even him.

His head was throbbing again. He'd had a headache, since Admiral Janeway came aboard. Flopping into his chair, he absently ran his fingers over his now empty desk; he jumped as his comm-unit beeped into life. Turning the screen toward him, he smiled as B'Elanna's face appeared on the screen.

"Chakotay. At last. I was thinking of beaming over to find you. You're not trying to avoid me, are you?" He shook his head, seeing her smile back at him as she continued. "I was just checking that you're still coming for lunch tomorrow."

"I'm fine, B'E. Just packing up, and yes, tomorrow is still fine. I'm looking forward to seeing you all again, and the house." Homes and families, his thoughts started to drift again.

"Chakotay." Her voice brought him back to the present, tilting his head to show her that she had his attention again. "Will Seven be joining us?"

Chakotay smiled as he realised her words weren't offering the invite they appeared; in fact, it was more of a challenge. "No, she won't, Seven is meeting with her aunt. I'll be sure to let her know you asked after her, though." His voice still soft, but the warning was there. Don't push it.

"Miral will be glad to see you, she misses you." Chakotay let his face break into a smile as he spoke, letting her change the course of the conversation to safer ground.

"Tell her I miss her too, and her mother. Her father, though, I'm not too sure about."

B'Elanna shook her head as a laugh escaped her. He hadn't changed, still sparring with Tom. "That, old man, you can tell him yourself tomorrow, but I warn you, he's cooking. Chakotay, I know he's looking forward to welcoming you to our home." Hearing the tears in her voice made him realise how much he'd missed her too.

"B'E . . ." Should he tell her?

He paused in mid sentence, suddenly her face clouded with worry, her concern for him evident in her voice. "Chakotay! Chakotay, are you okay?"

Should he, tell her his plans? No, he couldn't. Maybe tomorrow.

"Yes, I'm fine, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow very much, B'Elanna. Take care." He had to end their conversation; he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. Spirits, he missed her.

"All right, and don't forget, old man, how much Miral and her parents love you."

Chakotay stood leaning against the door, replaying in his mind the conversation he'd had with Seven a few days earlier. He shook his head and picking the small box up from the table, he left without a backward glance.

*

Kathryn Janeway closed the case, and as Chakotay had done earlier scanned the room for anything she might have missed. Seeing nothing, she turned to leave. She wanted one last visit to the bridge before she left.

In the turbo lift, her thoughts yet again returned to the last few months. In the last 6 months since they'd reached Earth, she'd been subjected to questions and yet more questions and each Starfleet Admiral she spoke with had a different outlook on their journey. A different opinion on everything and anything they and she had done over the last seven years dissecting her every command discussion. She had spoken at length to various Starfleet councillors. Her head started to spin just thinking about the questions; "Why did you . . . So you fired on them . . . How did that feel . . . You left them?" She shook her head, they would never understand. How could they. Sometimes, they hadn't had any other choice.

Her favourite sessions had been with Councillor Troi.

Talking to Deanna was like chatting to an old friend, maybe that's why she was one of the best councillors Starfleet had. Deanna's experience and relationship with the crew of the Enterprise gave her an insight into the deep space mind. Counselling Jean-Luc Picard himself couldn't be an easy task.

Kathryn's thoughts went back to the moment Deanna had told her of her engagement to Will Riker. She'd hugged the younger woman feeling pleased, they made a good couple, and Deanna would be good for him. The William Riker she knew was a good-looking, confident man, she was once attracted to, but, he wasn't Chakotay. Now where had that thought come from?

It was as she talked with Deanna that Kathryn found that what she missed the most since Voyagers return was Chakotay. His constant support and friendship had been something she relied on, although she realised now that she used his friendship almost as a cloak, something tangible that she wore when she wanted to ward off the loneliness.

In the Delta Quadrant, her decisions as Captain had been final. Starfleet trained it's Captains for years to make decisions, but most of them had admirals, review boards, councillors, committees and even the odd ambassadors to turn to. All she'd had was her crew and herself. She couldn't always listen to the crew.

At those moments, if she could she turned to her best friend: Chakotay. She would never have asked him to be her friend, but she would always be glad that he was. Sometimes she thought that without Chakotay Kathryn would never have come home – that only Captain Janeway would have returned.

She was damned sure of one thing; none of those stuffy shirted Admirals would ever understand their relationship. But how could she expect them to, until she'd spoken to Deanna she hadn't understood it either.

Now they were home and here she was more alone than in the Delta Quadrant. Although he was still on-board, they hadn't seen each other for almost two months, not since the senior crew had left.

She wasn't even sure Chakotay wanted to see her; perhaps it was his choice not to see her. She hoped not, but knew he was with Seven now, the Admirals admission that Chakotay had married Seven albeit in a different timeline to the one they were in now, had shaken her. She'd kept him waiting too long, and now she had to face the consequences, which might, it seemed include losing his friendship.

Kathryn rested her head against the cool panel of the turbo lift. Another headache, she'd had many since their return, in fact getting home was fast becoming more of a nightmare than a dream. Her mother and sister were pleased to see her, telling her about the family, chatting about anything and everything, but each had their own lives, into which she'd have to try to fit. Mark had been to see her showing her pictures of his wife, pregnant with their first child. As she'd looked at the pictures, she saw how her life could have been.

It was unlikely she'd have children now, she had sacrificed a lot for Voyager, for Star Fleet, but Voyagers crew had become her family, but now she'd lost them too.

Would it have been better if the Admiral hadn't come back for them, at least then she'd still have the crew, more than that, she'd still have Chakotay. Or maybe she'd have been better off staying in the Delta Quadrant with the Admiral; there was no longer anything for her on Earth. The situation was ludicrous, for years, she has tried to get them home, and now she'd do anything, to go back

"Captain." The lift had stopped and the doors opened, a concerned looking Security officer was watching her.

"Ensign." Immediately he snapped to attention. Kathryn almost found herself saying, "Don't break anything." The memories were getting stronger, than the reality.

"Ma'am." Crunch time, was it?

Harry, her mind returning to the first day they'd met, had he really been this young, this eager. Where had the time gone, and how much of it had she wasted by defining parameters? Was it to late to change things, and if it was, what was her future now?

She shuddered Admiral Janeway, had been a sad and embittered woman. She was tired and lonely having lost her friends one by one, first Seven who'd died under her command. Then Tuvok, Kathryn shuddered, just thinking of her old friend confused and living his days out in a darkened room recognising people only by the day of the week they visited.

But most of all Chakotay, the loss of Chakotay must have broken her heart. Just the thought of loosing him, broke hers. In the transporter room Kathryn had watched as Admiral Janeway, had taken a sharp breath when she'd caught sight of him. Then she'd known the older woman had an agenda of her own. Yes, she'd come back to get the crew home, to save Seven, Tuvok and the others. But she'd also come back to give younger self a chance of happiness, something she'd been denied, by her own stupidity. But had she come back too late?

*

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"B'E, you know what, how did it go with Chakotay?"

"Fine, he's still coming tomorrow. He'll be surprised how much Miral has grown don't you think." At the tone of her voice, Tom wrapped his arms around her.

"He looked old, Tom, so alone . . . lonely, not the Chakotay we know." She moved out of his arms, and picked up their daughter, speaking softly to her.

"But we're going to make him smile again aren't we honey?"

B'Elanna turned back toward Tom, as she repeated again. "He looked so sad."

"B'Elanna, he's a grown man, and can make his own choices. All we have to do is support him."

*

Chakotay sat quietly in the cafe as the waiter strolled over PADD in hand.

"Are you ready to order, Sir?"

"One iced tea please." His voice was soft, but his eyes never left the window as if he were watching or waiting for someone.

The waiter had recognised the man sitting at the table, the Maquis Captain. No one would believe sitting here in this cafe, at his table, was the man known as Chakotay. They weren't busy; in fact, the man was one of only three customers, so why not let him wait. Late afternoon was always quiet.

As he waited for the order, the waiter watched as the little boy on the next table aimed his toy gun at the big man. He responded by holding his chest as if shot, before smiling at the boy's mother, as she turned to stop him bothering the man.

Returning to the table, he placed the glass of tea in front of the man.

"Thank you." So soft, the waiter wondered why this gentle voiced man had joined, the Maquis. Maybe no one would ever know, but he felt there was a story here that would be well worth hearing.

*

The people started to flood out of the transporter station, more people than she had seen so far, it was a little unnerving, but suddenly she saw the face she was looking for. Seven waved her hand to catch his attention.

"Doctor, it is good to see you."

As he saw her, he smiled. "I came as soon as I got your message. What's wrong? Are you all right?" The Doctor placed his hand in the small of her back, guiding her through the crowd leaving the transporter station.

"Yes, I am all right. I am not, however fine." The former Borg drone lowered her eyes. She looked almost . . . almost fragile. The Doctor's concern was evident as he steered her to a bench.

"What is it? Are you ill?"

"No, Doctor, I am not ill; however, I am . . ." She paused, unsure how to continue.

The Doctor placed his hand over hers as he said gently. "Seven please, just tell me."

"Very well, you asked me once if I need assistance in the area of intimate relations." She kept her voice low not wanting to be overheard in the busy spaceport. She took the opportunity to study his reaction.

"Yes, I remember, go on."

"Well at that time, I was in a relationship with Commander Chakotay."

The Doctor spoke. "I know, his hologram."

"No, Doctor, at that time, I was just starting a relationship with the Commander not his hologram." She watched his face again, for a hologram; he showed many emotions in his face, she saw it cloud over for a moment before he closed his eyes.

The Doctor took a breath. Many things had gone through his mind since she'd called but this wasn't what he'd expected. Opening his eyes, he saw his friend. Smiling to reassure her, he nodded. "I was not aware of that, but if I had known, I would have wished you both, every happiness; the Commander is a good man."

Seven had always known that the man, who was sitting beside her, was truly a good friend, maybe more than she'd realised. She understood why Chakotay had nodded when she had said she would talk with Doctor.

Taking a breath, she continued, "He is a kind man, Doctor; like you. However, we have recently terminated our relationship; onboard Voyager we were two individuals who may have succeeded with time in a relationship. But I now believe that I was not the Commander's first choice in the area of companionship."

"Seven, I am sorry. I had no idea."

"Thank you for your concern, Doctor." She paused again as she recalled the conversation she'd had with Chakotay, and his kindness as he'd explained that although he loved her, he was not in love with her. Perhaps he had been correct when he'd said she saw him as a safe option, someone with whom she could explore some of the feelings she'd felt for Axium in Unimatrix Zero. Looking back at the Doctor, she needed him to understand what she was trying to say. "The commander was not meant to watch over me" As he heard the words, he reached for her hand.

"Seven, are you all right?" He paused as Seven's grip tightened around his hand.

"No, Doctor, I am not sure, but I believe I will . . . with time, adapt." She smiled "A joke, I believe, Doctor."

But he didn't return the smile. "What will you do now, Seven, have you any plans?"

"No, I . . ." There were tears in her eyes; she was alone.

He knew how much she hated to be alone. Making a decision, he hoped was the right one for both of them he spoke.

"Then Seven, let's go home." Standing, he offered her his hand. He glanced around him; sure, someone was watching them, and then placed a protective arm around Seven.

Turning slightly toward the cafe, Seven nodded then turned back. She hadn't seen Chakotay but she knew he would not be far away, knowing too that he would not let her be alone. And as she turned to the Doctor, she knew she wouldn't be again.

"Doctor, I am meeting my Aunt tomorrow would you care to accompany me."

"Yes, Seven, I'd like that very much."

Lifting the glass to his lips, Chakotay took a sip; still, his eyes didn't leave the couple.

He blamed himself; he was old enough, to have known better than to let their relationship start, let alone progress. When she'd told him about her dreams for the future, he knew it would have to end. No matter how hard he tried, he would never be the man she deserved, the man who would love her and only her, who wanted only her. But he'd been so lonely.

Chakotay felt himself tense as they turned toward the transporter station. Was she all right? He had to be sure she wouldn't be alone. When she nodded, Chakotay felt a huge weight lift from his heart, as he wiped the tears from his face. Take care of her, Doctor, please. Returning the glass to the table, now all he had to do was wait.

*

"Ensign, could I have a moment alone, I promise not to steal anything." She turned and gave him the Janeway smile. It worked; he nodded only too pleased to let her say her goodbyes to her ship alone. As he left the doors swished shut behind him.

Kathryn let the memories wash over her. She missed them all so much, she closed her eyes and she could almost hear them. The effervescent Neelix always fussing, eventually finding happiness of his own. The Doctor singing opera when he wasn't complaining about Tom Paris. Tom - she missed Tom very much, his bad jokes, his Hawaiian shirts. His love for B'Elanna and his daughter showed how far he'd come. Harry - she smiled just thinking of him, he'd changed more than anyone, and she almost could see him playing a game of Kal-toh with Tuvok.

Memories good and bad, Naomi's birth, Prixin celebrations, the Borg, Q's visits.

As she reached Tuvok's post on the bridge, she smiled pleased he was now on Vulcan receiving the cure he so desperately needed. The Vulcan was a tower of strength to her, and her oldest friend, during the journey he'd become more human, mostly due to the loving persistence of a small Talaxian. Tuvok was eventually a Vulcan who danced.

B'Elanna, the hotheaded young woman, who'd, arrived on her bridge ready to do battle and defy her authority. "Who is she making these decisions for all of us?" Again, she heard Chakotays words. "She's the Captain." Even from the first, he'd been simply . . . her friend . . . Chakotay . . . her first officer . . . the lynch pin, in the daily running of Voyager. With him by her side she was . . . complete.

Her hand rested on the back of Tom's chair, smiling as she recalled Chakotay's entrance onto the bridge. As soon as she had stepped in-between the two men, Kathryn had felt the attraction. Shivering, she folded her arms around her; she missed him standing at her shoulder. If she closed her eyes right now, she could almost believe he was still there.

At night, when she finally got to sleep all she could see were the faces of the crew they'd lost and when she opened her eyes all she could see was Chakotay. Deanna said it was to be expected, but Kathryn knew it was much simpler, it meant he too was dead to her now

Turning toward her chair something caught her eye. On his, chair a box with one word written on the card Kathryn.

Intrigued she lifted the box in her hands; it was old but still intact and newly sealed. Settling in her chair, she repeatedly turned the box over in her hands. Puzzled and intrigued; she could find no clues as to its contents. But she knew that once she opened it, the surprise would be gone. Standing, she placed the box in her pocket and left the bridge.

*

Chakotay moved his hand turning off the alarm. She had found it. Now all he had to do was wait.

*

Kathryn left the bridge; her future was not Voyager. Admiral Paris met her in Voyagers transporter room.

"Kathryn." His very voice was so very familiar to her-it reminded her of home, her father, of security.

"Admiral Paris." Nodding, she walked closer, reaching out her hand

"Kathryn, again, thank you for bringing our son home." Ignoring her hand, he pulled her into a bear hug, unable to trust himself to say anymore.

"There is no need to thank me, Admiral."

Kathryn turned away. But not before Paris saw in her eyes, the identical look as he'd seen earlier in the eyes of Commander Chakotay. In both of their faces, Admiral Paris had seen an almost desperate sadness, which he hoped now he could help to ease. He took a breath as he spoke, hoping he wasn't speaking out of turn; and his wife told him he had no romance. Hah.

"Kathryn, you could have seen him at any time, all you had to do was ask." He paused and his heart almost broke when he saw her shoulders start to shake. "We didn't think you wanted to, you never asked to see him, and he didn't ask to see you, we just didn't know, we . . . I didn't understand. I'm so very sorry."

As she listened to his words, he saw the weight of the world start lift off her shoulders.

"Thank you for telling me that, Admiral." Her were eyes bright with tears.

He placed a kiss on her cheek before pushing her toward the transporter.

*

Owen Paris slammed his fist on the console. How could he have stood by for the past two months and watched this happen? Damn it, Star fleet regulations had kept them apart long enough.

He had to get out of here, away from Voyager. He needed to go home and kiss his granddaughter.

*

The hover car driver hummed as he drove, before noticing his passenger fumbling with a package in the back. Again, Kathryn was considering opening the small package. She could almost hear her mother tutting. "Katie, you just can't wait, can you?"

"Okay, mom, so I've got no patience, what's new?"

"Sorry, Captain I didn't catch that."

Had she spoken out loud? Obviously, she had, if his face was anything to go by. Embarrassed, Kathryn shook her head, pushing the package back into her pocket. Sitting back, she enjoyed the ride to the hotel the Admiral had booked her into.

The hotel was more than comfortable, she noted. The porter who showed her to her room wouldn't take a tip, saying it was his pleasure. As soon as he'd gone, Kathryn checked out the bathroom, smiling as she saw the bath. Walking over, she ran the water. Taking the scented bath salts from the shelf, she inhaled pure luxury. Humming as she poured the liquid liberally into the hot water

Some time later, wrapped in a fluffy dressing gown, Kathryn sat on the sofa. As she opened the box, her forehead creased as she looked at the contents, a piece of folded paper. Placing the box on the table, she lifted the watch; for some reason she knew she'd seen it before. Still holding it, she unfolded the paper and read the words. Then read them again. Something splashed on the paper and she realised she was crying. She moved quickly, pulling the dress over her head and running a brush through her hair, as she spoke into the Comm. panel. Pulling her shoes on and grabbing her coat, she almost ran out of the door.

*

As she stepped out of the transporter station into the street, people had to move around her as she got her bearings. When she realised exactly where she was she crossed the road toward the cafe, "The Night Owl."

They were busy; the waiter saw her enter and knew then why the man had sat there all afternoon and evening. He had been waiting for her.

Glad she hadn't worn her uniform, the cafe was teaming with Starfleet cadets. Without the uniform, she was just another face, a middle-aged woman. Hanging up her raincoat, she shook her hair free from the rain. Then she saw him. His eyes watching her every move, he looked every inch the dangerous man the press claimed he was. He too had gone for the civilian look of cream shirt and beige trousers. He held the chair out for her.

The waiter immediately moved over and placed two cups of coffee in front of them. As the waiter left, she shook her head-this man knew her too well.

Chakotay watched as she lifted the cup to her lips, smiling at her obvious enjoyment as she took a sip. Heaven.

For a few moments, they sat in silence, as he shared her enjoyment of the beverage and her company almost as if nothing had changed.

He smiled, realising, that for seven years, he'd followed a woman who had chased after Nebulas for coffee. And sometimes there were days such as these, when they drank it together.

"The watch . . ." She placed it on the table between them.

Chakotay knew he needed her to accept the watch, a feeling as if . . . something terrible would happen if she didn't.

"Chakotay . . . I think I've seen the watch before but I can't recall . . . where."

"I know, so have I, but I don't know when, either. I replicated it for you, but somehow I never had the chance to give it to you before. Please, accept it, Kathryn." He pushed the watch back toward her.

"Thank you, Chakotay, it is beautiful." She picked up the watch, knowing it held a meaning; but the memory seemed to be just out of her reach hidden in a place she just couldn't quite access. Smiling, as Chakotay closed his eyes.

"Thank you Kathryn. Thank you."

She'd almost forgotten, how soft his voice was? Move to a less emotional subject, Kathryn. "I like your choice of setting too, Chakotay."

"I thought this would be a good place for us to meet, you know, neutral ground."

"I didn't know you'd been here before."

"I haven't, you told me about it - Species 8472's recreation of Starfleet academy, remember? You asked Boothby if they'd created The Night Owl. Do you remember now?"

Kathryn nodded; it was all she could do. It was so like him to recall something like that, to find a place she'd be at ease, on neutral ground. The waiter passed the table, checking on her coffee as he did. She raised an eyebrow at Chakotay; she hadn't spent time with Tuvok for nothing. Neither had he.

Chakotay answered her unasked question. "I told the waiter that I wouldn't be responsible for your actions if he didn't keep you supplied with fresh hot coffee." He lifted his cup to his lips. He was joking, wasn't he?

Kathryn glanced over her shoulder toward the waiter. She smiled, but he quickly held up the coffee pot in question. She shook her head. He'd been serious; he really had told the waiter that. She turned back quickly just in time to see him wink at the waiter. Lord, she'd missed him. She'd hardly smiled since their return and now she was grinning like an idiot.

Chakotay sat back in his chair cradling the cup in his hands. He was enjoying watching Kathryn as she struggled to stop smiling and glare at him. Their eyes met and she sat forward, her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her knuckles. She glanced down at his hands then back at his face, not knowing how to start the conversation, unsure she even wanted to.

"How's Seven?" Lord, Kathryn, talk about jumping in the deep end.

He looked straight into her eyes. "She's fine."

"Good, that's good. Very good, I'm pleased." She was babbling but didn't know how to stop.

Chakotay took her hand. "Kathryn, I think you need to know this; Seven and I have decided that we aren't as well suited as we first thought. We're no longer together." He stopped as she gasped, he could see the tears in her eyes as she looked at him. Spirits, he'd missed this woman. He didn't want to see her cry, let alone be the cause of her tears. He continued, giving her time to recover.

"We were never really together, a few dates, a couple of . . ." He stopped himself. "I was lonely, Kathryn, and Seven just . . ." He stopped. None of this mattered now and he wouldn't break Seven's confidence, not even to Kathryn. Tugging his ear as he waited for her to speak, he finished his coffee.

"But, the Admiral said . . ."

His head snapped up and she stopped. "Ah, the Admiral." He released her hand.

Kathryn couldn't give this up; she had to say the words. She had to know. "She said you married."

"In a future that does not exist, Kathryn." His voice was firm and sure.

'Did they . . . have a chance?'

He raised his cup; the waiter was there in a shot. She smelt the coffee. Glancing down, she realised hers had gone cold. The waiter again replaced hers first with fresh hot coffee; as he refilled Chakotay's the two men chatted.

Sipping her coffee, Kathryn raised her eyes over the rim of the cup and looked at the man sitting opposite her, really looked at him. She'd seen him as her first officer often enough, but as a man? Long ago, she'd had to stop herself seeing or even thinking of him that way. Now she could see the lines that crinkled around his eyes; and when had his eyes become deep enough to drown in? He looked well; he'd obviously being taking full advantage of the holodeck gym and his boxing programme.

His shoulders looked as broad as she remembered; they'd been strong enough to ease her burden over the years. What would it be like to bury her face into his . . . ?

He coughed, the waiter had gone and Chakotay was looking at her; he'd caught her scrutinizing him. With a self-conscious smile, she turned her gaze back to the coffee - only to realise he, in his turn, was still watching her, studying would be a better description, a tiny smile playing on his lips as he watched her.

Kathryn could feel the tension between them building as she spoke.

"Commander?" Tilting her head as she spoke.

Chakotay felt his stomach flip. He took another swallow of his coffee, to settle his heart before he replied. "Yes, Captain?"

"What are you doing?"

"Me? I'm just admiring the view."

He fixed her with his eyes and she saw a look in them she couldn't ignore. On Voyager, she would have ignored his meaning, or changed the subject, but they were long past such games now.

"Flattery, Chakotay?"

But he'd heard the catch in her voice. He winked as a wicked grin spread across his face. His eyes twinkling he was flirting with her, and she was enjoying it.

The other diners had started to stare at them. She was pleased when Chakotay indicated the door and nodded.

He laughed as she downed her coffee before she moved. "Shall we take a pot with us, Kathryn?"

"Chakotay." She scolded him, but he just smiled. Then it hit her - she really loved this man

Glancing up, he saw the tears in her eyes. Suddenly he needed to get her away from prying eyes. He went to pay the bill.

The waiter shook his head. "No, sir, I wouldn't take your credits. It's on the house."

Chakotay shook his hand; he saw Kathryn already outside, and pulling on his jacket, was pleased to see the rain had stopped.

"Kathryn."

They fell into step easily, just strolling, and she recalled a distant conversation she'd once had with Gathorel Labin, when she'd explained. "We prefer permanence . . . the reward of relationships that endure . . . and grow deeper with the passing of time." They had that, didn't they, the two of them? He understood her better than anyone in her whole life ever had; or ever would.

As they walked their hands touched and he clasped her hand in his, smiling as she threaded her fingers through his.

They had walked in silence for about an hour, when she stopped under the light, turning to him. There was such openness in her face, that he caught his breath. He suddenly had a strong need to touch her face. Reaching out, he cupped her cheek.

She moved her face into his hand, kissing his palm as she moved her face away." Do you how much I've missed you, Chakotay?"

"I've got a good idea."

"Yes, yes, I believe you do." She sounded tired and sad. He tilted her chin up so he could see her face. "Kathryn, it's all right, you got them home."

"Chakotay, WE all got us back, and now we're here." He heard the longing in her voice; she'd said here not home He stopped speaking, looking into her face.

"Kathryn, are you . . . all right?"

"Yes. No . . ."

Then at that instant, the heavens opened. As the rain started to fall, they saw a small bar still open and made a run for it. They weren't the only ones to have made a beeline for the bar; the look of shock on the bartender's face as everyone ducked in out of the rain made her laugh again.

She heard him laugh, a sweet and reassuring sound to her heart. "I've missed laughing."

"Yes, Kathryn, we've missed lots of things but, now, now we have the chance to catch up."

"I want us to; I need . . . to . . . to tell you . . ." Stumbling over the words, there was too much to say, he pulled her into a quick hug, and she could smell his cologne. Then he was guiding her to a chair.

He sat her down, pulling his chair close to hers. The other people moved into the bar but they stayed outside under the canopy. Enjoying watching the rain, Chakotay ordered two glasses of wine; they sat in silence as they waited for the waitress to bring them over. When she left, Chakotay reached out taking Kathryn's hand in his.

"What is it, Kathryn? Tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know, I . . ." The tears finally came.

He didn't move closer, but kept her hand safe in his, waiting

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry." She took the handkerchief he passed her, wiping her eyes, unable to stop.

"Kathryn, you're not the only who's cried." She lifted her head to look at him; in his face - she saw only the love that had always been there, if only she'd chosen to accept it. She shivered as she realised what she'd almost lost.

Thinking her cold, he took his jacket off wrapping it around her shoulders, the concern in his voice making her cry more. Resting her forehead against his, he whispered. "You're cold, Kathryn. Please, come inside."

She'd faced the Borg, Species 8472, she could do this, and she had to. She spoke softly but with a: strength in her voice that he hadn't heard for a while. "I love you, you know, I always have."

She could hear his ragged breathing; and watched as he slowly closed his eyes. When he spoke it was as if the words were ripped from his very soul.

What she offered, he wanted so badly; needed her so much it hurt. But what he could loose by accepting would break his heart. "Kathryn, your friendship means a lot to me." His voice was unsteady. "I don't want to loose that, I don't think I could stand that."

Kathryn took his hand, leaning forward she used her other hand to wipe away his tears, as his mind started to wander, so did her hands, tracing the pattern of his tattoo with her fingers. He kept his eyes closed; his emotions were already in overload. To see her face as she touched him, would be his undoing.

He loved this woman, more than life itself.

"I don't want to lose that either, Chakotay, but we could have that . . . and more . . ."

"Kathryn, what you're offering . . . I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it too but . . ." He stopped. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway."

Words she never dreamed she would hear - he loved her.

Immediately her lips found his, and she kissed him, her eyes closing as his opened. His mind raced, what had changed, why now? They needed to talk, they had to talk could this be enough, what would the crew . . . and then he remembered it didn't matter . . . nothing mattered, they were Home.

And because they were, the two warriors finally began to know the true meaning of peace. Pulling her closer Chakotay returned the kiss. Home to infinite possibilities.

THE END

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