Unexpected Turns

"Kathryn, dear, here's someone for you," my mother calls to me. I'm upstairs, getting dressed. It is quite early, about eight in the morning and I can't help wondering who wants to see me.

Pinning up my hair I answer, "Just a minute. I'm coming." I throw one last glance at the mirror, checking my appearance. Pleased with what I see I walk downstairs. My mother is standing at the bottom of the staircase, smiling broadly. She has that twinkle in her eyes that tells me she's up to something.

"Who is it?" I ask impatiently. Her look upsets me and she knows it, but she's just smiling. Gods, I hate it when she does this. Of course, I'm aware that I'd better hurry up. Passing her I whisper in her ear, "You're incorrigible."

I've only taken a few steps when I see my guest. The utter joy that is consuming my entire being makes my heart skip a beat. At first I can only stare at him. He hasn't seen me yet, his back is turned to me. Then as if he can feel my presence he turns around and gives me his smile. The dimpled one of course.

"I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you and your family . . ." he begins, but my mother cuts him mid sentence. I hadn't even realized she was still here.

"Nonsense. You're welcome in my house, isn't he Kathryn? Kathryn?" I'm momentarily startled out of my shock. I pat her on the shoulder and blush a little.

"Of course, he is. You're very welcome Chakotay." I can't say anything else for the moment, taking in his appearance. It has been precisely three weeks and one day that I haven't seen him. Blushing a little more as I notice that I've kept track of the time, I let my mother lead me and Chakotay into the kitchen. She's constantly talking to the poor man. I start feeling sorry for him, but he doesn't seem to mind. On the contrary, Chakotay is actually enjoying it. Well, now he has a foot in my mother's door.

"Have breakfast with us Chakotay. May I call you Chakotay or do you prefer Commander?" She smiles up to him.

"Chakotay is fine. Thank you, Mrs. Janeway." Chakotay says, always the gentleman, and modest, too.

"It's Gretchen for you. So tell us what has brought you here?"

I take my mother by the arm, dragging her away.

"Mom, would you let him rest for a minute?" I smile warmly as I say this, knowing my mother wouldn't be offended.

"It's okay, Kathryn," Chakotay interrupts me, "I can understand her curiosity when someone suddenly stands in front of her early in the morning. And I'm sure that you're curious, too, aren't you?"

Oh God, that smile again. He knows how to use it against me, knows I can barely resist it. Damn that man!

"Of course, I am." I feel myself blushing again. Sometimes I wish I had a darker tan, then it wouldn't be quite that noticeable.

Unfortunately, I'm as white as a ghost, with hardly any makeup on my face. I indicate for Chakotay to sit while I go helping my mother with breakfast. Mostly with the coffee. Homebrewed coffee is the best and I've never encountered better coffee than that of my mother. She's the only one who knows how to make it. I've tried several times to program the replicator so that it produces her coffee. I've always ended up frustrated as hell.

We spend the breakfast talking about everything and nothing. My mother particularly attacking Chakotay with question about Voyager, the Delta Quadrant and his life. Not that she hasn't heard everything about it yet, but she's the type of woman that needs to view things from different perspectives. All of a sudden I realize that he still hasn't told us why he's here.

"Chakotay?" I ask in one of the rare moments when neither my mother nor he is talking.

He finishes his cup of coffee and looks up, a knowing smile on his lips.

"Yes, I know. You want to know why I'm here." After a short nod from me he continues. "Well, I actually came to say good bye. Starfleet has offered me a position as first officer on the USS Agamemnon."

"Oh this is great . . ." I start.

"I didn't accept. I left Starfleet two days ago." He eyes me carefully, probably to judge my reaction. For the first time I notice that he isn't wearing his uniform. I have just one question at the moment.

"Why?"

He sighs.

"The past eight years I've been Starfleet day in, day out. I can't do that anymore, especially when I have to follow all these protocols here. There's so much I want to do in my life and I intend to do them, when I still have the chance. What about you? What will you do?"

I take his hand in mine and watch it for a minute or two before I answer.

"I'll stay on Earth, teaching at the Academy. Will you stay on Earth?"

"Of course, at least for the next few days. If you're okay with this, that is."

I'd completely forgotten about my mother until now. It even takes me a second to realize what she meant. The oh-effect must have been quite visible on my face, because my mother gives me her sometimes-you-can-be-so-stupid-look. I return it with my don't-get-me-started-on-this-one look but I smile anyway.

"I am, definitely. What about you, Chakotay? Care to spend a few days with me and my mother?"

"If it doesn't cause you any trouble, I'd love to."

My smile widens and I take his hand again, literally pulling him off his chair. It'll be no trouble. My mother wouldn't have asked him, if it had.

"Come on, I'm going to show you your room. Mom, I'll help you clean up in a minute, okay?"

She waves in a dismissive manner, already cleaning up the mess.

"I'll manage alone. Go and show our guest his room."

I pull him upstairs and walk straight to the room next to mine, his hand still comfortably resting in mine. It feels right. Chakotay squeezes it slightly as we enter. The room is actually quite large with a big double bed along one wall, a couch with a coffee table opposite it and a walk-in closet. A panorama window reveals the view to a open field in the east. So he can watch the sun rise, if he wants to. Another door leads to the bathroom. It has a shower and a bathtub. We Janeways are genetically impaired. No one in my family can be without one. Chakotay suddenly stops.

"I've got nothing to change. All my clothes are in my apartment."

"No problem, we'll get them later."

*

Chakotay's already outside, waiting for me. We've decided that I show him my favorite tree I've talked about so much. It didn't need much convincing on his part to talk me into it. I literally fly downstairs and I'm almost out the door when my mother calls after me.

"Have fun you two!"

Oh, I know we will. I definitely intend to have a little bit of fun. I run past Chakotay and giggle. He understands immediately and starts chasing me. But he underestimates my speed. I'm playing with him, let him come close only to increase my pace again. We're completely out of breath when he finally catches me, throwing both of us off balance. Now we're lying on the grass, he on top of me, a tangled mass of arms and legs, and we're laughing so hard that it hurts. Chakotay is the first one to calm down. He stands up and extends his hand to me, helping my to stand as well. The tree is about one hundred meters away.

"Come." I take his hand again and we walk to my tree. It amazes me that we're that relaxed around each other. On Voyager we'd never been. I'd always been the Captain while he'd been the Commander.

Except for the little time we had on New Earth everything had been so tense.

As we reach my tree I immediately start climbing it and settle on the large branch. That is when I notice he's still standing next to the tree.

"Has no one taught you big Indian guy how to climb a tree?" I call down.

"I'll get you for that one."

"Try me."

He climbs my tree as well, muttering, "We'll see," and sits beside me.

We're talking for hours. About old times, our future, nothing in particular. He tells me about his decision to leave Starfleet, how he's come to the conclusion to quit being an officer. I can't blame him and I don't. His reasons are good and understandable. The eight years have taken their toll on him as well as on myself. That's why I'll teach at the Academy. Some will say that this isn't like me, that I belong to space. I don't think so anymore. All the time I've been the Captain, I've had to be the Captain I don't want to repeat the experience. I had a fine crew, no doubt about that, but it has cost me much.

The sun begins to set as we finally return to my mother's house. She has already set the table for dinner. Chakotay and I hurry upstairs to change, his clothes have arrived here while we were gone. We all talk a little more over dinner. My mother still has many questions to ask and Chakotay answers them all. Then he asks some in return about me and my childhood. We settle on the couch after dinner and mom gets the old photo albums.

"Oh no, mom, you're not going to do it, do you?"

"Do what Kathryn? I'm just going to answer Chakotay's questions. And I'm going to show him some photos." She has that twinkle again as she says this. I know she will show him the most embarrassing pictures and will make a fool of me in the process.

I was so right. She actually showed him the one that had been taken when I was five years old. Shortly after I'd climbed my tree I fell down and was frustrated. So frustrated that I hit the tree numerous times, each time more fiercely than the last. My mother had taken a picture of it. I looked like hell, dirty face, dishelved hair, torn clothes and my mouth was open, because I was screaming at that time.

Mother went to bed an hour ago. Chakotay and I are still sitting on the couch, watching the fire. Something is bothering him, I can see that. He's unusually quiet, staring into the flames. His face has a sad expression on it.

"What is it Chakotay?"

He turns to me, giving me a weak smile, but he remains silent for another few moments, unconsciously stroking his thumb over my palm.

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"My family. Your mother is great, you know that?" I nod. "She's such a lovely person, open-minded, cheerful. It got me thinking about my mother. She was the same type of person, friendly to anyone. It didn't matter if that anyone wasn't friendly in return. It was just in her nature. Being here with you and your mother reminds me of my time with her. I miss her terribly."

His expression has changed from sad to pained while he is talking. It makes me do what I've never thought I'd do. I kiss away his tears, taste the salt of them. When I look up into his face he's watching me wide-eyed. I can imagine I've shocked him a lot, but I couldn't help it. I hate to see Chakotay in pain. My actions brought a change to it at least. The rest comes naturally. I kiss him again, on his lips this time. They're so soft as they move against mine, it takes my breath away. I'm not thinking right now, only feeling.

Feeling myself being lifted up, feeling myself being carried upstairs. All the while our lips remain together, tasting and exploring the other. We end up in the guest room's bed, Chakotay's bed, exploring the other a bit more. He's so tender in his attempts to bring me pleasure it makes me cry. Slowly bringing me to my climax and down again. He's doing it a second time, knowing exactly what he's doing while he is at it. Only after I came down from my climax he allows himself to take part in it, entering me bit by bit until he's completely inside me. I'm feeling wonderful with him inside me, even more so as he starts moving in slow motions. After an eternity we both explode, softly calling out the other's name, considering where we are.

"I . . ."

I lay my fingers over his lips as he starts talking.

"Don't. I don't want to think, I want to *feel*." He understands and remains silent.

The intense emotions in his eyes, however, are scaring me and I look away, snuggling closer to him and burying my face in his neck. I breathe in his scent that is so uniquely Chakotay. I can't describe it, his scent is beyond me.

I feel myself drift off to sleep, cradled in his arms.

*

I wake up slowly, disoriented for the moment as I open my eyes. The window is at the wrong side of the house, the bed is too large and I'm lying all over something very soft. No, not something. Someone.

I carefully untangle myself from his arm so as to not wake Chakotay.

I then take my clothes and silently leave the room. I can't comprehend what we've done, why we did it. The why is clear to me in a second, though. I'd been the one who had started it and actually I know why. I wanted to make Chakotay feel better, I wanted to take away his pain. I did, but only for one night. It can't be more, can it?

The thought is still circling around my mind after I've showered and dressed for the day. Exiting the bathroom I catch sight of Chakotay, leaning against the closed door. He's just watching me with a neutral expression. His arms are crossed over his chest. Then he speaks.

"You're actually doing it again, aren't you?"

"Doing what?"

"Pulling away."

What do I do now? I wasn't his fault. No, it definitely wasn't, but how am I going to say this? I'm so unsure . . .

"Chakotay . . ."

"Yes, you are. If that's what you want, so be it." He turns and leaves me.

I'm speechless. I'm torn between going after him and staying where I am. In the end I remain where I am, just thinking about what I want.

I'm still not sure about it when I leave my room and go downstairs.

What I find there is pretty much what I've expected. Chakotay has packed his things and is ready to leave. When he sees me his expression darkens, if only slightly. He turns and continues talking to my mother. I can see that she is puzzled by what he tells her. I can't hear him, but I know he's not telling the whole truth and so does my mother. She doesn't say so though, she just gives him a hug.

Chakotay picks up his things and says good bye to her. He turns to me one last time, shortly nodding. Then he's gone.

The minute he's out, my mother spins around and asks, "Care to tell me what that all was about? What has happened?"

"Nothing happened," I tell her. I'm already on my way back upstairs, when I hear her snoring. She's actually snoring. I've never heard her do it. In a low voice she says, "Don't you dare turn your back on me, Kathryn. You will come back here and tell me! What have you done to him?"

"I can't see why this is any of your business."

"Oh, but it is. Something you've done made his life a complete misery. Can't you see that the man loves you?!"

"How do you know?"

She sighs and walks away. She doesn't leave me a choice, I have to follow her. She has got me curious, even if I'm angry. She sits in the old rocking chair.

"How do you know?" I repeat.

"That's unimportant. More important is what you did to him. And don't you dare tell me it's none of my business," she adds when I begin to protest, "It is when I know that you love him, too."

I'm shocked. How can she be so sure when I don't even know it myself? But I recover quickly. Now I'm more angry than before.

"I do not. You want to know what I've done? Fine." I'm beyond care right know. "I slept with him, but I left after it! Are you happy now?"

"Are you telling me that you used him?" she asks me in disbelief.

"YES!"

"Stop acting like a complete bitch! Shall I tell you why you did it?"

"If you want to!" What am I doing?

"You're simply scared! Of what I'm not sure. Maybe you don't want another loss in your life. But what do I know? I'm only your mother."

"Do you know against how many regulations it is?"

"That's bullshit, and you know it! He's no longer in Starfleet! And even if he were, that's no excuse for your actions! Can you tell me what you were thinking?!"

That's a pretty good question. It shuts me up. The point is, I wasn't thinking. I didn't want to. The only thing I wanted was feel his body move against mine, feel his breath on my neck, feel *him*.

Haven't I said that I hate seeing Chakotay in pain?

"Oh God, what have I done?" I groan. My anger is gone, what remains is an emptiness that scares me.

"Yes, what have you done," my mother whispers back.

THE END

There is a sequel to this story: Making It Right

Feedback, please?