Making It Work

"The warp core maintenance is finished. B'Elanna said it was as good as new again." Chakotay looked up since she didn't make a single sound or move. Kathryn was watching the stars go by. "Another thing is," he continued, "that Seven danced on a table at Sandrine's last night." Her head snapped up and she registered in mild annoyance that he was grinning smugly. Turning completely to him, she asked. "Huh? What did you say?"

"Kathryn, what was the last thing you remember me saying?" he returned. He'd be damned if she could remember.

"You told me about Seven's findings and . . . didn't you?" His grin had become even bigger during her answer. She hadn't listened to him and she knew it but considering his amused expression it had been longer than she thought. Indeed, she hadn't been listening for ten minutes at least.

"What's on your mind?" He figured since she hadn't paid any attention to his earlier reports he might as well find out why. Normally, she wasn't half that absent-minded, even if she hadn't slept much.

"I'm just a little preoccupied."

'Wrong answer,' he thought. 'Now I know something's bothering you.' Yet he decided to play along, he could find out later anyway. "I can see that. I have an idea. Why don't you take the day off?" He watched a shadow fall over her face and knew she was about to protest, so he added, "Come on Kathryn, there's really nothing to do. The ship is in good shape, we haven't encountered any hostile alien species, and we have enough supplies. Such times are rare so you should make the best of it." He gave her his puppy look, knowing she wouldn't be able to resist it for long. He was right. Only moments later she agreed, not completely happy though.

Kathryn stood, then headed directly to the ready room door. She felt him watching her. 'I want to tell you, Chakotay, but I can't. Not before I've decided what to do.' She then was through the door, out of Chakotay's view. Long minutes after she was gone he was still watching the doors. Something about the whole exchange bothered him but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. She seemed so distant not only absent-minded, but physically as well. His head come up once again, his mind suddenly clear. That was what bothered him. She hadn't touched him, although she had always been a touchy person. She had touched him as often as possible even as they hadn't been together yet. She had always used every given opportunity, even more so when they were alone. Yet she hadn't touched him moments before, hadn't looked back at him once. He was getting concerned. Her promise came to his mind. 'Please, don't do that again,' his mind screamed at her, 'I can't take it again, can I?'

*

Kathryn was at a loss. She didn't want to go to her quarters. She didn't want to go to the mess hall either. What she needed was someone to talk to, someone other than Chakotay. Aimlessly she wandered around the ship, checking every department while she was there. After half an hour she was tired and bored of it and still needed to talk about her problem. Kathryn then found herself in front of B'Elanna's quarters. Since their disagreement six month ago, Kathryn had better insight into the mind of B'Elanna now. She buzzed the door chime, knowing B'Elanna was off duty.

The door opened, revealing a smiling yet surprised B'Elanna. "Captain, what can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"It's Kathryn right now. And yes, there's a problem but not with the ship. Can I come in?"

B'Elanna looked a bit embarrassed, her cheeks slightly burning. "I'm sorry, of course you can." She then stepped aside, making room for Kathryn to enter. "Can I get you something? Coffee?"

Out of habit Kathryn replied, "Yes," then realized her mistake, "um . . . I mean no. No thank you B'Elanna."

Voyager's chief engineer got herself a cup of tea. As she turned to Kathryn, she noticed the captain was still standing in the middle of the room, looking not happy at all. B'Elanna gestured for her to sit on the couch then sat next to her.

"So what's the problem?"

Kathryn didn't know how to begin, what to say. She even wasn't that sure anymore if she should tell B'Elanna.

"Kathryn?" B'Elanna asked after several moments. She still wasn't used to call her captain by her given name but usually Kathryn relaxed then. Usually, but not today. She briefly wondered why Kathryn wasn't talking to Chakotay . . . Except it involved Chakotay somehow. So she took a guess.

"Do you two have problems?"

Eventually Kathryn answered, finding the courage to tell her friend. "No . . . not yet anyway. B'Elanna I'm pregnant." She watched the emotions playing on the face of the younger woman. Happiness, confusion, then finally, realization.

"You're not sure if you keep it." It was a plain statement. There was no need for further questioning. Only that would make sense, considering Kathryn's appearance at her door and the fact that she wasn't talking to Chakotay about this. Yet B'Elanna was curious about the reasons. "Why?"

A lost look crossed Kathryn's features. 'That's a very good question but the answer . . . ' But before she could possibly reply to that, B'Elanna continued.

"You have to tell Chakotay eventually, you know. Even if you decide against the child . . ."

"I don't know," she interrupted. "It is my decision."

'What is she saying?! She can't possibly mean this,' B'Elanna thought while her temper flared up. Kathryn had the incredible ability to get B'Elanna into one of her Klingon moods like no one other could. Well, except Tom Paris maybe. "This is selfish and you know it! Chakotay has a right to know at least."

"Watch it, Lieutenant," Kathryn warned.

"No! Don't get started on this one. I am off duty, as are you. And, you've have come to me. So spare me the 'You're out of line.' shit. If you want to end this conversation here and now, fine. But don't order me around in my free time!"

Kathryn stood and headed out the door before she did something she would regret. Of course, she knew that B'Elanna was right but it didn't help matters much. 'What was I looking for anyway, absolution?' She instantly knew that was ridiculous; she hadn't made her decision yet. So why absolution?

*

Four days later Kathryn was still searching for answers. Up to then she had managed to dodge that particular subject when talking to Chakotay. Of course she was aware that he was suspecting something. The way he watched her closely on the bridge, in her ready room, and even her quarters spoke volumes. But she doubted that he had a clue as to what the problem exactly was. And answers were still out of reach. Should she tell him? What if she did? Would he want to have this child? What if she really didn't want it? What if she did? So many questions and no resolution in sight.

Getting up from the couch, Kathryn headed to the replicator for another cup of her beloved coffee as Chakotay came storming into her quarters, not bothering to buzz the chime before doing so. One glance at his face told her what she needed to know. He wasn't clueless anymore. 'Shit.' She thought.

Chakotay stopped barely a centimeter in front of her, hissing through clenched teeth. "Care to tell me what the HELL you were thinking? Dammit Kathryn, at least you could have told me! But no, I'm only the father. What do I know?"

"Would you calm down, please?" she asked even more surprised about her calm voice than he was.

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?? Why would I calm down? You're deciding over my head about a child that is part of me and I shall calm down." He laughed sarcastically. "You're acting selfish. You're so predictable."

"Are you saying that I'm selfish, that I've always been selfish? Have you gone insane? Did it occur to you that I might have not told you because I have not the slightest idea what to do? That - "

"See? Of course you're being selfish! You have no clue what to do. Fine. That's, however, NO reason to not tell me about the child! I'm not here, telling you you must keep the child - although I'd be thrilled if you did. I'm here because you had the nerve to let me in the dark about a matter that important!"

"It's MY body! How the hell am I supposed to command this ship while I'm pregnant? What if something happened? Anyway, you know my opinion about rising children on Voyager! This is neither the time nor the place to rise children. We're in the Delta Quad dammit!!"

"I'm not angry because you decide to not keep the child. Hell, what am I saying? Of course I am but I might understand it. What's putting me off is that you haven't told me about it in the first place. But I see you have already decided on that matter. I guess I'm wasting my time here." Having said this, Chakotay left as agitated as he had come in if not more, leaving Kathryn to sink on the floor and curl up into a tight ball.

She remained in that position for hours, her head swimming, indecision controlling her entire being.

*

The next day on the bridge was pure hell. The atmosphere was chilly to say the least. Even Tuvok noticed that there was a unsolved problem between Voyager's most senior officers. Well, you could barely oversee it. Kathryn was spending the major part of her shift in her ready room while Chakotay remained on the bridge. When she came out she was anything but friendly, barking commands. That was when Chakotay retired to his office. No one dared to speak or breathe when one of them was present on the bridge, let alone when both were present. Except for this and Chakotay bristling whenever she snapped a command alpha shift proceeded rather uneventful until Kathryn had enough.

"Commander, ready room," she commanded.

Those who were able to take a look at him could see his features darken by her icy tone. In spite of it he followed her.

Tom, although he didn't see a damn thing since he was facing the screen, had to suppress a relieved sigh, as had anyone else for that matter.

The minute the door had closed behind Chakotay, Kathryn started to second guess his behavior.

"Are you trying to deliberately provoke me? Never, ever bristle when I'm giving orders!"

"Me? Provoking you? Never! But when you're acting unfair toward the crew I can't help myself."

She was starting to get really irritated. "Unfair? You have to be kidding me. I'm not unfair. And what about you? You're not that chirpy yourself!"

"Why would I be? You get pregnant. You don't tell me a damn thing about it. I have to get the news via the Doctor. You - "

"The Doctor? Now I know who to kill!"

"Don't be silly. For someone who doesn't want others to know about her pregnancy you haven't been that convincing. Telling the Doctor that I know about your condition and then missing one appointment with him. In spite of that I don't like this at all you should have answered his hails at least. You ought to know that he would contact me."

"You're so right. I ought to know. I'll keep that in mind for further usage. Dismissed."

Chakotay froze, staring wide-eyed at her. When he found his voice again the shock was evident. "What do you mean further usage? You really want to abort that innocent life?"

"I said dismissed." It was the only answer Kathryn could give at the moment. This was getting to her as well. Chakotay wasn't the only one affected by this, but she was furious and irritated. Not the best combination for her. Deep down Kathryn knew that she didn't want to lose what she had with Chakotay. That wouldn't keep her temper and pride at bay anyway. First she had to sort through things before she could so much as consider his feelings.

Chakotay was about to burst. His very emotion played on his face. Rage. Confusion. Concern. Irritation . . . And love, but it was rage that won. So he stormed out the ready room, his mood having reached a new low. Fighting was the last thing he wanted to do with Kathryn, but it seemed as if it was the only thing they were able to these days. 'Why can't she understand? I love her and I already love our child.'

*

Weeks passed without a change of situation. Kathryn hadn't managed to sort out things and was hurting as much as Chakotay was. They kept fighting at every given opportunity. It had gotten so bad that they had to change shifts. Kathryn was still doing Alpha shifts, but Chakotay had changed to Gamma. Their usual life slowly faded away and each and every crew member noticed. The crew tiptoed around their commanding officers, every attempt at talking to one of them had failed.

The day when Kathryn was no longer allowed to abort a child came nearer. She knew it, the doctor knew it, and Chakotay knew it, too. That was what Chakotay dreaded the most. Kathryn hadn't decided yet whether or not she would abort the child. And Chakotay wasn't sure what he would do if she did.

*

"Do you know why they are constantly fighting?" Tom and Harry waited patiently for an answer. When none came they looked up to B'Elanna. She appeared a million miles away, obviously hadn't got the question. "B'Elanna? Paris to Torres!"

She jumped, the fork falling to the floor. "Shit." Picking it up, she addressed Tom. "What?"

"Do you know why they're fighting?" Tom repeated, but B'Elanna was no longer paying attention to him. Chakotay had entered the mess hall and headed to a empty table in one corner, far away from Kathryn who was also present. B'Elanna noticed how quick Kathryn left the mess hall, and also noticed that Chakotay's face conveyed his hurt and concern as he watched her depart.

Deciding she would talk to him, B'Elanna left her two stunned companions behind and approached Chakotay. "Hey Old Man . . . May I sit with you?"

"If you want to. But I warn you I'm not good company right now."

"Yes I know and neither is the Captain." She sat down while watching a shadow crossing his face. "She told me about her pregnancy."

"Oh . . . then she told you more than me. I got the news from the doctor . . ."

"And?"

"And nothing. I'm quite certain she won't keep the child." Despair crept into his voice. "I don't know what to do. What if she really aborts the child? How will we handle the situation? Remember the two weeks before she has thrown me in the brig. Imagine that three times. Now you know how I feel."

"Chakotay . . . I can't believe she will do that. You're scared right now?" He nodded. "As is she. She has to consider the whole ship and - "

"Don't you think I know this? I can even understand it. If she had come to me, told me about her condition and that she didn't want the child I might have agreed. What's pissing me off is that she had planned to decide over my head. The child is part of me, too."

"Don't tell me, tell her."

"I've already had. God knows I've tried. But she wouldn't listen."

"You've always been the patient one. Keep waiting and she'll come around."

"If only I could believe you. But thanks anyway." With that Chakotay left the mess hall and B'Elanna behind.

B'Elanna didn't notice Tom and Harry approaching from behind so she was quite shocked as Tom began to speak. "What's happening here? Spill it, B'Elanna."

"You know better than to shock with this way. And no, I can't and won't tell you." Tom made a face at her. "Listen Tom, Harry you, too. That is private. I don't know why the Captain told me or why Chakotay allowed me to discuss the subject with him, but it is private. If they wanted you or the rest of the crew to know they would tell you."

*

Chakotay dropped by Kathryn's quarters, having considered B'Elanna's words carefully. In spite of what B'Elanna had said his patience ran short. So he didn't bother to ask permission but entered Kathryn's quarters right away.

"We will discuss this now," he said. Words that sounded vaguely familiar. Locking the door, Chakotay sat on the floor, leaning against the door. Actions he had done about seven months before. "I'm not letting you out of here before we've at least *tried* to talk about it."

Kathryn remained silent. Instead she voted for pacing her quarters the way she would always do when she was troubled. Then, a ray of hope, she remembered her combadge. She had already lifted her hand as Chakotay's words let her freeze mid action.

"Is this the 'Let's-throw-him-in-the-bring-thing' all over again? Damn you, Kathryn! Since you're always avoiding me this was the only way to get you to stay in a room with me. This needs discussing - it still does. But I've reached my edge. You don't want to talk about our 'problem'? Fine! Do whatever you want to!" Sometimes he would love to slap some sense into her. "Remember me saying that I would quit if you kept up this game of yours? Good, that still stands. If you need a first officer ask Tuvok!"

As uninvited as Chakotay had entered her quarters he left it, a to silence stunned Kathryn watching his departure, his words not having sunk in yet.

*

Wandering through the ship, Chakotay had no clue what to do. It was rather late already, or early depending on your point of view, and he was way too worried to sleep. Kathryn wouldn't talk to him, he was preoccupied all day, and the crew cast pitiful glances in his direction. What he needed was a distraction, if only for a few minutes. Something beautiful, exciting or annoying, didn't matter what.

He stopped in front of hydroponics bay and briefly wondered how he had got there but decided just as quickly that it wasn't important. It could, however, provide the distraction he needed so badly. Entering, Chakotay was momentarily overwhelmed by the many different colors, flowery scents, and the all present beauty of that room. It was indeed the one and only place onboard Voyager that didn't look Starfleet in any way, didn't appear sterile, lifeless, uninviting. As he stretched upon a bench Chakotay never realized that he wasn't alone. With one arm covering his eyes it wasn't that surprising.

"Chakotay?" A small, hoarse, and very familiar voice asked.

Immediately, Chakotay bolted upright, his face conveying his surprise as well as his confusion and hurt. However, the usual anger was nowhere to be seen. In front of him stood Kathryn, wearing a silk robe over what appeared to be only a nightgown - no shoes. In the few moments of silence that followed he studied her closely. The puffy eyes that watched his very move, the tears that streamed down her cheeks, her shivering body that was fragile and yet so strong.

"I don't want an abortion."

He blinked. Once . . . Twice . . . 'I'm imagining things,' he told himself.

"I don't want to lose what we have and I don't want to lose this child, either."

Silence.

"Say something, please."

Chakotay didn't, though. Instead he walked right towards her, unable to say anything for the moment as a lump formed in his throat and tears threatened to roll down his face, too.

He was crushing her to him, but Kathryn didn't mind one bit, only thankfully accepting his warmth and comfort. He was the most valuable part in her life as was their child so she pressed her nose into his throat, gripping his body as tight as he did hers.

"We can make this work, Kathryn. Believe me, we can and we will. I love you."

That did it. Her damn broke and she clung to him like a lifeline, making him almost wince for her nails were digging into his back. But he wouldn't move for fear she would change her mind, or worse, he was imagining things.

"I'm scared Chakotay," Kathryn whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't . . ."

"Shhh, everything's going to be fine." His hands moved soothingly over her back. "Always remember that I love you and our child, too. We *will* make this work." He then scooped her up in his arms and carried her to her cabin.

Kathryn was way too glad to have her life back to notice the happy smiles of her crew as they passed them, her arm having locked behind his neck and her face still pressing into his neck. Chakotay, however, did notice, smiling or nodding in return now and then. 'We *can* make this work.'

Six months later:

A very tired but happy Kathryn was holding her little daughter in her arms. She had to smile as she remembered what a torture the birth had been. The tiny girl, having been just as stubborn as her mother, had refused to leave her mother's warmth. In the end Kathryn had been in labor for 12 hours before her daughter had decided it was a good time to be born.

"She's so beautiful. Just like her mother," Chakotay whispered, his voice having almost left him because of that little wonder in his wife's arms.

"What shall we name her?" Kathryn asked. Their daughter used that moment to open her ocean blue eyes, watching her parents curiously. She had the skin and hair of her father but the face and eyes of her mother. A perfect mix of both her parents.

"Rhiannon," came the convinced reply of her father. "It's one of the most beautiful names I've ever heard. Just right for her."

"Rhiannon it is, my love." And Kathryn was certain that the name fit just nicely for their sleeping beauty. "You were right, you know. We can make it work. We can make everything work if we believe in it." She watched first her daughter then looked up to her husband. "I love you. I love you both."

THE END

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